stuff

we have had a sickness running through our house. it has gotten 4 of us and the other 4 are wondering who will get it next. its just a 24 hour stomach bug but none of the remaining survivors want it. it been kind of a lottery of sorts.


i was having a conversation with a friend about buying squirt some new jeans. she asked if she wanted designer jeans and i said oh no she doesn't care just as long as she has some jeans. well i was wrong. i took her down to our favorite resale shop and pulled several jeans off the rack and you should have heard her squeal when the lucky jeans fit and were in our price range. she was beside herself with joy. who knew. i have gotten spoiled because she has to wear a uniform to school and she has been growing so fast that i just don't buy her alot of normal clothes. so a word to the wise - teenage girls like designer clothes, who knew.


college is going good. i have finished my orientation course and i'm getting started on my first real class - basic college math. it seemed a pretty safe class to take first. the first chapter is whole numbers. how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide. i think i can remember that but the second chapter is on fractions. it has been roughly 29 years since i have had junior high math. my 14 year old will be able to teach me the fraction part. she is actually chomping at the bit to teach me fractions. i know i'm sad. i'm almost 40 and can't remember fractions. i know just enough to double a recipe. so very very sad.



we have a sickness lottery winner. Dad is the lucky one. 5 down 3 to go.



my sister and oldest niece will be leaving in the next few days so my house will get back to normal....well as normal as it ever is.

pray for mary

pray for my friend mary. tomorrow is her last day of work and she is very sad. she is the last one to leave from the forced layoff and she will need all the strength God can give her for tomorrow and the coming days. as she was leaving today she was having a hard time not crying and she already informed us she would probably cry all day tomorrow. so it will be a sad sad day. some of us are taking her out to lunch tomorrow so hopefully this will help.

8 months

well close enough to 8 months....only 3 days early. my life is fixin to get real busy so i'm posting it now since the posts from now on maybe few and far between.

i officially start college today.....big gulp. i have to do an orientation course first and then my first offical class starts on dec 28th....double big gulp. i don't know if i'm ready for this but i have to try.

my sister has been approved for disability...which is a miracle. this also means the kids qualify for benefits so we will be getting a check every month to help with food, clothes, and all the hundreds of things growing kids need. Praise God!!!!

my sister will be here on monday and then we get to tell the kids the happy news that she will be moving to town. just pray this will work out. all the adults agree we will keep the kids indefinately. mark has put his foot down and told all parties involved that freddie will live with us until she graduates from high school. she graduates in 2009. she will not like this decision but she has been bounced around so much from place to place and school to school. she told me the other day that she has moved 25 times in the last 10 years. we will set up visitation with my sister so they will be getting to spend nights and weekends with her on a regular basis once she has a permanant address. for right now she will stay in a shelter until housing becomes available. not a perfect solution but workable. pray for us that we will continually have the mind of Christ with the raising of all our children.

its a girl and a boy!!!!

we had our court date this morning and the kids are officially ours. the whole court thing was kinda scary, but it only took about 10 minutes so not too bad. this was by far the easiest birth experience i've ever had.

Friend, do what you have come for

Immediately Judas went to Jesus and said, "Hail, Rabbi!" and kissed Him. And Jesus said to him, "Friend do what you have come for." Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and seized Him. Matthew 26:49-50

My morning devotional was on the above scripture. It just struck me that Jesus knew Judas would betray Him and He still loved him, He still welcomed him to the last supper and gave him the bread and the cup. His body and blood. He knew that Judas' betrayal would usher Him into His ultimate destiny. Death on a cross. A sinners death for a sinless man.

"We can't avoid getting hurt, but God can give us the grace to reevaluate the situation and realize that the person you thought was your enemy, was a friend in disguise. God will never permit His plans for us to be sabotaged by somebody else's actions. He'll only allow your Judas to go so far and no further. As a child of God His purposes govern how much damage others can do to you."

The above statement just clicked with me. There is someone who i have struggled forgiving. My own personal Judas. I will walk in forgiveness for years and then something will happen and i find myself struggling again with those old feelings of anger and unforgiveness. But this morning something just clicked. This situation is a part of my life to make me lean more heavily on the Lord and to make me stronger. My enemy is really my friend.

So friend, do what you have come for.

someday...

...i'll learn how to play the drums

...my house will be quiet and i will be sad.

...i will have a college degree.

...my hair will do what i want it to do.

...i will be a size 5. hahahahahahahahahahaha. ok i feel better now.

...i will sit for hours and read my bible and pray.

...i will have a craft room where all my stuff can be spread out and i never have to put anything away.

...i will have a maid to clean my bathrooms and floors and whatever else i don't want to do. ok she will clean everything.

...she will also do my laundry.

...and wash my car.

...i will be able to travel whenever i want to wherever i want.

...or stay home if thats what i want to do.

someday

today...

...i must go to work everyday, even when i don't want to.

...i feel lucky if i get to go the bathroom without a child with me.

...i must clean my bathroom, my floor, and the whole house.

...and do my laundry

...and wash the car.

...i have to put away all my stuff when i'm done.

...i struggle to read a few verses everyday.

...i am a long way from a size 5. as a matter of fact i'm a size 10 but the 14 fits so good i buy a 16.

...my hair has a mind all its own.

...i'm starting to get scared i can't handle a full time family, a full time job and college courses.

...my house is anything but quiet, and i am happy.

...i will continue to play air drums whenever the mood hits. and dance crazy in the aisle of the grocery store just to embarass the kids. and make up words to songs when i can't understand what the heck they are saying.

today.

christmas tag

y'all know i'm sentimental so this could be very long

1. Paper wrapping or gift bags.
combination - i like all the gifts under the tree to be wrapped but will use gift bags for gifts given before christmas.

2. Real tree or artificial.
when i was little we always had real. but now we have to have fake due to squirts allergies.

3. When do you put the tree up?
the day after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down?
Jan 2nd.

5. Do you like eggnog?
love, love, love, love it.

6. Favorite gift received.
my most favorite was the year my very best friend gave me about $200 in restaurant gift certificates. at the time i was a single mother, squirt was about 4 years old and i had been saved for about 1 year. my greatest need was christian fellowship and everyone would go out to eat after church but i could never go due to financial reasons. so this sweet sweet friend gave me the gift of fellowship for christmas.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
i have a small one at work but have never broke down and bought one for my home. i look at them every year but never want to spend the money.

8. Hardest person to buy for?
my mother-in-law

9. Easiest person to buy for?
the girls

10. Worst gift I have received.
squirts dad bought me car accesories one year. yuck. no wonder i dumped that loser.

11. Favorite ornament
everything squirt has ever made me.

12. Favorite Christmas movie
its a wonderful life and a christmas story. i watch both of these everytime they come on.

13. When do you start Christmas shopping?
usually sometime after thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas gift?
i can't remember. i don't think so.

15. What is your favorite Christmas food?
homemade cranberry relish and hot rolls

16. Clear lights or colored?
clear

17. Favorite Christmas song
o come immanuel and the little drummer boy.
i can still remember being little and watching all the christmas programs on tv. when i watched the little drummer boy on tv i can remember crying when he played his drum for jesus. it still makes me cry. plus the words are so awesome.

Come they told me,
A new born King to see,
Our finest gifts we bring,
To lay before the King,

So to honor Him,
When we come.

Little Baby,
I am a poor boy too,
I have no gift to bring,
That's fit to give the King,

Shall I play for you,
On my drum?

Mary nodded,
The ox and lamb kept time,
I played my drum for Him,
I played my best for Him,

Then He smiled at me,
Me and my drum.

now that'll preach

18. Traveling or staying home?
stay home, we always go to mark's sister who lives down the street.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
dasher, dancer, prancer, vixon, comet, cupid, donner and blitzen. rudolph

20. Angel or star on the top of the tree?
we now have a bow, but have had a mixture of all three over the years.


21. When do you open the gifts?
one on christmas eve and the rest on christmas morning. stockings on christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about the Christmas season?
the rush of the crowds. i would like to just slow down and enjoy it all.


23. Does Santa always wrap the gifts?
this has been a point of controversy in my home. my husband wants to wrap everything and i like to leave the big present unwrapped. so we compromise. if the present is awkward like a bike we don't wrap, but if its in a box we wrap.

24. Did you ever leave cookies for Santa?
yes, duh and a note and he would always write me a note back.

25. What is your favorite Christmas memory?
my mom would always cook like a mad women for days before christmas and my older brother would take great pleasure in picking at her while she was busy cooking. well when my mom got mad she would pick up whatever was handy and throw it at you. i know that sounds bad but it was really all in fun. so anyways my brother was picking on my mom the day before christmas and she was up to her armpits in stuffing and she started throwing celery at him and we honestly thought we got it all cleaned up. well the day after christmas when my dad came to pick us up my stepmom was admiring our tree and commenting on all our pretty and unique christmas decorations. we were all saying thank you and she reaches into the tree and pulls out a limp stalk of celery. we still laugh about this.

i tag meems and no iffer

hockey update

well the boys are back and they did very good at their hockey tournament. the freshman boys (bubba) came home with 1st place. the peewee and midget boys (moe) came home with 5th and 6th place. moe is playing goalie and loving it. he has never gotten to play any sports and is enjoying the manly bonding time.

so the season of stinky jerseys and hockey gear is here. bubba's team is currently undefeated so guess what that means. we can't wash his practice jersey. oh well anything for the team.

go jesters!!!!!!

we be elfs

hey guys watch this

thanks for the idea ree

funny memories

today at lunch we were talking about funny things our kids have done and it got me to thinking of the funny things squirt did when she was little. so here is a small list of some of the funnier things she has said or done.

• when she was about 18 months old i found her sticking christmas lights in her nose. she looked a little like rudolph.
• i had a very hard time keeping things out of her mouth. every diaper change was an adventure. here is a small sampling of the things i have found in her diaper. money (dimes, pennies, nickels, and quarters), nuts and bolts, a bologna string, a mop string (ewww-gross), buttons and i have had to call poison control twice because of things she swallowed or put in her mouth.
• she would strip down to nothing whenever i wasn't looking. caught her several times heading for the back door naked or in the backyard naked. nature girl.
• in the first grade she got so upset with me because i didn't get her teacher a candle for christmas. she came home wailing "i've never been so embarrassed why did you get my teacher noodles and rags". i made the mistake of getting her teacher a christmas dish towel and christmas pasta in a pretty canister.

on a lighter note

my husband is no longer allowed to answer the house phone. every time he answers the phone we get some crazy thing in the mail or if its a tele-marketer he hands it to me and says "its for you". just say no thank you and hang up, that's what i do.

so the other day i get this cookbook in the mail that i didn't order. i show it to him and ask him if he ordered it and he said well someone called the other day but i didn't order it. well they wouldn't send it to you if you didn't order it. so all of his phone privileges have been revoked.

my sisters keeper

over the last few weeks i have realized that i am my sisters keeper. not in a physical way but in a loving way. this is not a responsibility i have asked for but sometimes when you love someone God asks you to take responsibility for them. i have made a promise to her that i will not allow her to hide her illness. for the sake of her children and soon to be grandchild her hiding days are over. as hard as it is i will always be that person who will be in her face making sure she is taking care of her mental health. i will ask the hard questions and i won't let her off the hook with a half way answer. i have also realized that with her suicide attempt 7 months ago i will never have my old sister back. i can no longer be fooled into thinking she's ok. i will always be on guard and watching for the signs. i know this may sound harsh but this was not her 1st attempt. her 1st attempt was at the age of 11 and she has made several attempts since then. the last one being the closest she has come to succeeding. until recently i was not aware of several of the attempts. we have always lived several hours away from each other and the few times we would visit she would put on her happy face. she has always been able to hide or lie to herself and everyone around her about the true state of things. it has amazed me over the last months how God shows me things that i need to know. if her or the kids are trying to hide something from mark or me God brings out the truth. every time. i will be needing lots of prayer and lots of God's truth over the next few months. my sister is finally on a medication that seems to be working. she has not had a suicidal thought in about 2 months. which is wonderful news. she will be coming at the end of the month to spend a week with us for christmas. at the end of that week she will stay in town at a homeless shelter until she can find a job and get a place of her own. even though she will be living in town we will still have the kids. i don't know if she will ever be able to handle the stress of raising them and if she can't then they will always have a place here with us. when she moves to town it will be very hard on freddie. the thought of her mom being here but still not being able to be with her everyday will be a challenge for her and i don't think she realizes that this is her moms choice. her mom wants the kids to stay with us even when she gets on her feet. a very hard pill to swallow especially for a mommas girl like freddie. so lots of prayer is needed for the whole family.

how did that happen?

i have a little routine going. i post and then i read blogs. so tonight i post and then start reading blogs and its like everyone was on hyper blog drive. i just checked blogs on sat morning so where did all these posts come from? what happened? i'm not complaining it was nice to have lots of new posts to read. i was just wondering if i missed something.

moe and the killer elf

we have decided to start a new christmas tradition this year. it is a tradition that a friend of mine has done with her kids and we thought it sounded like fun. we also wanted to do something that was new and could become our tradition and not a combining of everyones traditions. the tradition involves a christmas elf that comes out of hiding the day after thanksgiving and every morning hides in a different spot in the house. the game is to try to find his new hiding spot every day. the kids thought it sounded fun until i got to the part about the elf moving to a new hiding spot while everyone was sleeping. the thought of this elf creeping through the house while he was sleeping put moe over the edge. he went on and on about how creepy that would be to wake up and find an elf looking at him. so we have come to a compromise. we now have a christmas moose that is not allowed to hide in moe's bedroom. the kids are having fun finding him every morning and sometimes i move him in the middle of the day when they aren't looking. just not into moe's room.

30 days

for the last 30 days i have been fasting from sweets. you may be asking yourself, Why? Why would you even consider doing something crazy like that well the reason is simple. i self medicate with food and sweets are a weakness for me. no matter what my mood food will fix it. if i'm bored, stressed, upset, angry, depressed, food is always there for me. a piece, bar, or bag of chocolate will solve all of my problems. instead of turning to God as my source i was turning to candy, cakes, pies and cookies. you name it i would use it to drown my sorrows, or cheer me up, or celebrate with friends. so to put it rather simply food has become my god. before you shout me down for blasphemy let me explain further. i love Jesus. He is my savior but i have allowed food to become my lord. i have given food power over my life. i have allowed my flesh to rule me instead of allowing God to rule me. God wants all of me not just the parts i'm willing to give Him or the things that are easy to give Him. my flesh wants to call all the shots but i have to show my flesh that i'm not in control, God is. so i fast and this won't be the last time. when i get out of control in my eating i will fast again and continue to discipline my flesh. Thank you God for showing me again and again that You have my best in mind. that you do not want to punish me only discipline me into Your image. an image i will never achieve this side of heaven but something You want me to strive for until that day that You call me home.


on a side note for all you pre-menopausal women. thru the last 30 days i have gone thru 2 times of the month without chocolate and without any pmdd. impossible you say how did you not go crazy and rip your family and friends to shreds. well to be quite honest it was the most calm pre-menstrual weeks of my life. up until this time i fully thought i was a sufferer of pmdd. the week prior to my period has always been bad mentally. i would often feel like i was going full tilt crazy, well now i think its the sugar. during the fast the only pm symptom i would have would be the day before, then i would start and everything would be fine again. a definite improvement over the 5 to 7 days of mental hell i would go thru prior to the fast.

my family

so much to say

i have so much to say but can't quite find the right words. the last 2 weeks have been non-stop crazy around here. this time of the year always makes me very sentimental. i like to remember all the christmas' past and think about how some people have only been in my life for a short time but have made such a big impact.

the last few days i have been thinking about squirts grandpa. his name was buster and he was one of a kind. he was her dad's father and he truly loved her without reservation. she could do no wrong in his eyes. she was the youngest grandchild and had him wrapped around her little finger. also it didn't hurt that he babysat her the 1st four years of her life so that i wouldn't have to put her in daycare.

when she was 4 months old buster had a massive heart attack and had to have a quadruple bypass. the day after his surgery the icu nurses couldn't get him to settle down until they promised to let me sneak her in to see him. so one of the nurses brought me around through a side door and snuck us into his room. all he needed was to see his girl.

his birthday is dec 22nd and every year i would make him his favorite pie, egg custard. he is the only person i know who likes this pie so i taught myself how to make it so he could have his special treat. he would go crazy when i brought it to him and he would always eat a piece right away to make sure i made it right. after that he would hide it so no one else would eat any. not that any of us would. he has been gone now 2 years but we have the comfort of knowing we will see him in heaven one day. his salvation story was nothing short of a miracle. squirt prayed for that man everyday for about 10 years until his heart finally soften and he accepted Jesus as his savior. she had such an unwavering faith that he would accept Jesus one day and she got to see her prayers answered. whenever they were together he would dance with her and now one day they will dance in heaven. i am so glad God blessed us with the love of this man. he was always a loving grandfather to squirt and a friend to me even when me and his son split up. but most of all he was an honest hardworking man. a man everyone was proud to know.
we love you buster and miss you very much.

hallelujah!!!

i'm back. i know y'all missed me. i have not had internet for the last 6 days. no blogs for 6 days. it was torture. i can't tell you how many long phone conversations i have had with the phone company. i'm almost ashamed to say that i work for them. i now have a new found compassion for our customers. God bless 'em.

to bring everyone up to speed.

the court date is set for november 30th. please pray nothing happens to mess it up.

my 19 year old niece, kay, is pregnant. this is the older sister of freddie and moe.

work is work, nothing new there.

i am set to start classes online jan 7th. pray hard - its been 20 some years since i've been in school. my brain just might explode.

no iffer did our family pics on saturday and they are awesome. i will be posting a slide show soon.

the boys start hardball today and they have a tournament on the 1st of dec. more stinky jerseys.

black thursday

we had a big meeting at work today and they are firing 18 people in my department. they are doing it nicely and asking for volunteers and if they don't get 18 volunteers they will start at the bottom of the seniority list and go up until they have 18. i will not be losing my job in this round but it just makes me so sad for the people who will. some of these people i know very well and have worked beside for years. some of these people are single moms. how will christmas be merry or bright when they have to pack up their desks on dec 15th and face the fact that they have no job.

sorry guys no happy blog today, my heart is too heavy.

frustration

talked to the lawyer today and they will be serving the kids dad on tuesday or wednesday. once they serve him we will have to wait another 20 days.

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ok i feel a little better now.

freddie just told she was fired from her job tonight, over the phone.

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that really stinks. i don't blame them for firing her just don't do it over the phone. thats just wrong.

new name

ok i'm tired of rw so i will now be rhondiemarie. my family nickname is ya-ya or rhonda-ree but since we already have a ree i will go with rhondiemarie. so if you see a comment from rhondiemarie its me.

surprise, surprise

we got a call from our lawyer on wednesday and they found a current address on freddie and moe's dad and surprise it's here in town. imagine our shock. they are going to attempt to serve him so we will see what comes of it. i'm not expecting much from him but it's just weird that he has been here all this time. of course it could be false information or another guy by his name so we will see what happens, either way it pushes the court day back. we would have been scheduled for court on nov 9th but now it could be later. i just want this to be done and over. we really need to get the kids on insurance before moe breaks another bone and they both need counseling. during this time i have realized it really stinks to not have insurance and before everyone comments on all the wonderful agencies out there, don't. i cannot tell you how many of these wonderful agencies i have contacted and because we are the working poor they can't offer anything or they just don't return your calls or they can't help because we took the kids instead of having the state place them with us.

sorry guys i guess i'm a little more frustrated than i thought.
so let me tell you what i know to be true.

God will take care of everything insurance or no insurance, state agencies or no state agencies. He has been our source even before we took the kids and He will not leave us. everyday i need to be reminded that He is in control and even the little nuisances are a part of His plan. we have been able to offer the kids a stable home life with no fear of the utilities being shut off or having to move every year or will they be able to eat tonight. we may not be doing everything perfect but we have love and i truly can't imagine my life any other way. thank you God for giving me just what i need even when i don't realize it's just what i need.

spoiled

i realized yesterday that my husband has spoiled me. really spoiled me. i have always been a very independent can-do-it-and-will-do-it-all-on-my-own kinda woman but ever so slowly my husband has worked his manly charm on me. my epiphany came yesterday when i was almost forced to drive his pickup. to put things into perspective i drive a 2003 ford supercrew pickup and my husband drives a 1988 chevy dually pickup. i have been driving since i was 14 and have driven my share of brokedown cars and trucks. but now that i'm older i don't want to drive how should i say this "challenged vehicles". my husbands truck is what i would call a "challenged vehicle". as he was running down the list of how to start it, then how to keep it started, then how to drive it instructions i realized i didn't want to drive it unless i absolutely "cause the world is coming to an end" have to. so being the spoiler that he is he postponed his little trip in my truck and let me run my errand in my truck so that i wouldn't have to drive his. like i said i'm spoiled. does my husband love his truck? no, but he drives it because thats what we have and its paid for. someday soon i'll be able to spoil him and buy him the work truck he needs and deserves that doesn't need 3 pages of instructions on how to start it.

fyi

in case you ever wondered what a tupperware bowl full of brown gravy would do when dropped on a tile floor.
wonder no more.
it goes everywhere.
and i mean everywhere. i had to move the fridge to get the puddle that formed underneath. i just kept telling myself that i needed to clean under there anyways.

6 months

today is the 6 month anniversary of us having the kids. it doesn't seem like 6 months but it is. the guardianship stuff is on track. their dad has until monday to advise the court if he has a problem with us becoming the kids guardians. since he has never been a part of the kids life we are not expecting any hassle from him. so next week they will set a court date (make it quick Lord) and then the kids will be ours. my sister made a small fuss when she was reading over the paperwork but quickly realized that we would fight her if she didn't agree. she has really been quite calm through all of this. i really expected her to put up more of a fight but deep down she knows she can't care for them right now and we have to be able to care for them completely. which means legal guardianship.

thanks guys for all your words of encouragement. marme hit the nail on the head with her comment. it's not the work but the enormity of all of it. in 6 months i have gone from being the full time mom of one child (squirt) and step-mom of one child(bubba) to being the mom/stepmom/aunt of 4 teenagers. a very dear friend told me that on the outside i appear to have it all together but she knows me well enough to see the cracks. God is truly walking me through this valley and He will not leave me unchanged. there are just times when it overwhelms me.

stuck in the middle

i've been feeling so stuck in the middle of things lately.

my sister is here for the week and i don't want her here but the kids need her. so i'm stuck with her.

she doesn't trust her new doctor and i get to call the social worker and try to work out a solution. so i'm stuck with her and them.

freddie wants to drive all the time. so i'm really stuck on this one.

everybody wants hot meals, clean house and clean clothes. stuck, stuck, stuck.

work wants me to actually work and not sit and talk all day long. stuck again.

don't get me wrong i love my family and want to be a good mom, sister, wife, and employee.

so how do i get unstuck?

sorry guys i'm a little emotional right now...almost that time. but i can't be the only one that feels this way from time to time. so how do we get unstuck? do we take time for ourselves? do we spend more time with Jesus? do we just have a good cry and a good sleep? i'm convinced that last one cures a multitude of attitude problems. at least for me anyways. so give me some comments. what is your number one best way to get unstuck?

i've been tagged

ree tagged me, you big stinker.


Seven things you never knew about me and now wish you didn't. Or as you put it...Seven strange/weird/crazy things about me:

1. i have a freakishly good memory. i can remember just about anything i don't need to remember. addresses, kids i went to kindergarten with, movie dialogues, songs, conversations, just about everything.

2. i have an obsession with school supplies. i sometimes cruise the school supply aisle at walmart looking for something to buy.

3. i listen to Christmas music all year long.

4. during the last trimester of my pregnancy i wore mens tighty-whitey underwear. it was so much more comfortable than womens maternity underwear. the wide waistband lays so nice and flat against your big pregnant belly and they are fuller in the seat. nuff said.

5. i'm allergic to cockroaches.

6. when i shop i have to touch everything and if i don't like the texture or feel of it i won't buy it. this applies to anything fabric. could you see me in the grocery store feeling a can of green beans.

7. i have a birthmark in the shape of a dollar sign on my left calf.

i tag chris and dawn

comments to advice comments

we are looking at ASU since it is local and she can still live with us the first year or so. the actual tests are not free but the prep courses are. i'm thinking i'll make her take both prep courses and then we will go from there. they are having several prep classes before the test dates so we should get a good feel from those. she is not a good test taker so i want her to have all the prep time and opportunities to take the tests as many times as she needs to score as high as she can. we are already looking at scholarships since us or her mom will not have the cash to pay her way. in the long run i think it will be a better education if she has to work for it. she is not very motivated and tends to be a slacker and a taker. i have had to cry out to God on several occasions to direct me on how to raise this teenager. it has been a good challenge. thanks guys for all your good advice.

advice

ok guys i need some advice. freddie wants to go to college. should she take the ACT, the SAT or both? we are trying to get a jump on things and they are offering free ACT and SAT prep classes at her school and we need to take advantage of all the free help we can get. i never had the opportunity to go to college so i am at a loss as to which test or tests she should take. so i'm asking all my college educated blogger buddies for help.

our worship

church was so awesome yesterday morning. before pastor rick dubois preached he gave us such a wonderful and timely word from the Lord. concidering our womens retreat was all about worship and finding that secret place with God. below are my notes in case you weren't there. i plan on getting the tape because i couldn't write fast enough.

This church is on the edge of a breakthrough in our worship.

The breakthrough comes with obedience and worship.

We have to change the way we think about worship; worship is not about an allotted time but about the purpose.

What happens inside the house of God effects what happens outside the house of God. You must not be timid in your worship. You must worship exhuberantly with your hands, feet, and voice.

of course this is only a fraction of what he said. he talks really fast. so for most of the service all i could do was just sit and listen. it was useless to take notes. his message made me think about my own worship and the sometimes passionless worship that i offer up to God. He deserves so much better than what i give Him.

we got style

from this

to this

from this





to this






i don't know what i was thinking but i scheduled 4 of us to have haircuts today. so i was at the hairdresser from 11:45 until 2 pm with children. bored children but they all got style today. moe got shape but both girls had 6 to 8 inches cut off. they where ready for something new. i also got style. my hair has always been straight as a board and since i did grow up in the 80's i have always had big permed hair. not as big as ree's. i bow down to ree as the queen of big permed hair. well now that i want my hair to be board straight it has decided it wants to be curly. i now have natural curl without the benefit of a perm. how crazy is that. squirt says i have finally beat it into submission.

I am...

I am kind and thankful
I wonder what heaven is like
I hear angel's wings
I see animals in the clouds
I want a weekend away with my husband
I am kind and thankful

I pretend to be a racecar driver in grocery store parking lots
I feel overwhelmed
I touch the hem of His garment
I worry about my kids
I cry at the movies
I am kind and thankful

I understand God loves me
I say joy will come in the morning
I dream that my house will be finished one day
I try to not overeat
I hope my kids understand why there have to be rules
I am kind and thankful

thoughts

freddie has finished drivers ed.......yeah!

i only had to work 4 hours today.......BIG yeah!

i did very good on my jewelry book party for meems...BIGGER yeah!

squirt is home sick today......boohoo

we are having fried chicken for dinner.....yum

and apple pie.............extra yum

mark went with me on a walk last night.....sweet talker

i love my family.....ahhhhhhhh

God has answered so many prayers i can't list them all....amen

moe did great at his choir concert last night....do re mi

he had to dance with a girl......ewwwww

to the song fame......i'm gonna live forever

squirt is making me watch fresh prince of bel-air....again

its the only thing that makes her feel better....pushover

mighty moe

well moe has a broken arm. what we thought was a bad sprain is actually a clean break in both long bones of his left arm. i totally feel like the worst mom ever. how do you let your child walk around with a broken arm. in my defense he hasn't been in pain and he has full mobility. but i still feel horrible. he really freaked the head nurse out when he showed her how he could move it. my poor mark has spent a total of 7 hours over the last 2 days in the ER and doctors office getting it x-rayed and casted. the amazing part is that the specialist said the bones are healing nicely and he should only need some therapy in 4 weeks due to the arm being in a cast.
Thank You God for taking care of moe.

sunday nights

sunday nights have always been hard on me. i can't really put it into words but dread sometimes creeps up on me on sunday night. when i was young this was the night my dad would bring us home and every mile closer to home would be another mile farther away from my dad. don't get me wrong i loved living with my mom but i also loved being with my dad. he was not a perfect dad. well actually he was an abusive dad, but the abuse was very sneaky. if you would have asked me as a young child if my dad abused me i would've said no. i didn't see it as abuse i only knew it as love. when a child knows no other way they can't say or see it as wrong, until someone tells them its wrong they don't know. deep inside i knew it was wrong but deep inside i couldn't believe my dad would hurt me. so i buried it. so deep no one not even i knew it was there. on a conscience level anyways, you always know its there subconsciencely. the abuse started very young and ended when i was 10 so it was easy for me to bury it and keep it buried. the abuse was not an everyday thing and since my parents separated when i was 3 and divorced when i was 4 my father lost access to me on a daily basis. also my family is big on denial so no one was going to pry or admit that maybe something wasn't right. even though now that i'm older i've spoken with other older female family members with simular stories involving my dad and my grandfather. at the time they were not able or willing to come forward and admit that there was abuse. and i can't fault them we were all on self-preservation made growing up. after the abuse stopped my demeanor and personality reverted back to normal so there was no reason to worry. yeah right. it has been a long hard battle and somedays are better than others but i now realize that this abuse no longer defines me as a person. i know that God has healed me and loves me completely and totally without reservation. i know that it was God that was there with me before, during, and after the abuse. i know that He loves me without perversion as a true Father would. that has been the hardest thing to accept that God loves me in spite of all the bad, but He does. God has also given me the strength to forgive my dad. do i have a relationship with him? no. but that may come in time. i'm not willing to completely shut the door on him, but i have set some boundaries. unfortunately because of his proclivities he will never have a relationship with his grandchildren. this is sad to me because he was a very fun dad. maybe in the days to come i will post some of the fun things my dad would do. like let us paint his face and dress him up and walk to the store. or if we ever asked what something was and he didn't know he would just make something up. it was always almost believable and always funny.

Thank you God for not giving up on me and loving me through it all. and now that i have You when that sunday night dread comes i know to ask You to take it away. it may be through a song, a sermon, or just one of Your people but you always take it away and for this i am thankful.

saturday mornings

when i was a little girl saturday mornings were my favorite day of the week. back in the day we didn't have cartoon network the only time cartoons came on were saturday mornings. during the summer or if you were home sick from school they also had 30 minutes of cartoons from 12:30 til 1:00 on weekdays. it was right between the 12 o'clock news and the afternoon movie.

saturday mornings were wonderful we would sit in front of the stacked tv's. you see back then just about everyone had 2 tv's. you had the old broken console tv that served as the perfect stand for the newer smaller portable tv. and the new tv didn't have a remote. the kids were the remote control. and we didn't have cable everyone had tv attennas straped to their houses and if the reception was bad all the kids were trained in the fine art of the twist and hollar. 1 child would run outside and twist the antenna and the other kids would hollar "stop!" when the reception cleared. also the new tv didn't have push-buttons. it had a turn knob and after awhile the turn knob would break so you would use the knob from the UHf channels and then when that knob would break you would use a pair of needle-nose pliers. its a wonder we didn't electrocute ourselves.

now back to my story.

saturday mornings were wonderful. we would sit and watch fat albert, scooby doo and the bugs bunny and tweety show. cartoons were different back then. they showed Wile E Coyote getting his head smashed flatter than a pancake by an acme anvil. they showed Elmer Fudd's rifle back-firing and blowing his head off after Bugs tied the barrel into a knot. we got to see the consequences of their bad decisions. and i would like to ask where did Wile get all the money to buy all those acme products? and there we would sit our brains rotting from cartoons and our teeth rotting from the extra sugar we would put on our cereal. spoonful after spoonful of extra sugar we would put on our cornflakes. after the cereal was gone there would be a glorious mound of sugar at the bottom of the bowl. you would want to eat the cereal and drink the milk as fast as you could so that it didn't erode the sugar mountain. i now know why my mom would make us go outside on saturdays. we were all hyper from the sugar and we needed to run it off. these were her exact words "go run off some of that energy, cause your driving me crazy"

good times, good times.

pressing on

God has brought me such wonderful friends. i realized this as i had a minor meltdown on thursday and i had a good friend listen to me and look me in the eyes and tell me the hard things that i needed to hear. i have a trust problem. you name it i don't trust it. mainly people and God. i'm getting better but i'm not quite there and i probably won't be there completely until Jesus comes. and when He comes i want Him to find me pressing toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

i also loved what A spoke about at the womens retreat.

Vulnerability

i don't want to be vulnerable. i associate it with weakness and i don't want to be weak. you see i've been vulnerable and people have hurt me. so i say to myself i won't be that weak person anymore. so i wall myself in. brick by brick. i retreat into myself and then i get hurt because i'm all alone. then God reminds me of words i've said to encourage others and these words have come back to encourage me. how cool is that? God's word has not returned void. isn't that written somewhere.

so here i am pressing on Lord.

"have a happy period"

***** Don't know if this is a true letter but i thought it was funny, especially since i have looked down and seen those words "have a happy period" and thought "what man wrote that".*******

This is a letter written to one of the top executives at Proctor & Gamble.

Dear Mr. XXXXXXX,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. xxxxxxx?
Ever suffered from"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's privates into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

"Have a Happy Period"

Are you kidding me? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, xxxxx? FYI, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

why i blog

when my big granny died it fell on my brother and i to take care of the funeral arrangements and her belongings. all my life i watched this grandmother write in her diary. every morning and evening she would sit at the dining room table and write in her diary. i, being the noisy child, would always ask her "what ya writing" she would always reply "my life story". so you can see how this would be the only thing i would ever want from my grandmother. i would daydream about all the adventures and stories chronicled in this amazing book called a diary. i couldn't wait for the day when i would get to read this holy book. so with her passing came that day. i would finally get to sit down and read all her secret hopes and desires, all the funny stories of my mom and later us grandchildren growing up. her and my grandfather's travels to iceland and chile. you are probably by now asking yourself, why didn't you just ask your grandmother while she was alive about all this. well my grandmother was a very hard woman. this is my mom's mom and she really never wanted children or ever had the patience for children. i don't remember receiving any love from this grandmother but love is what i craved from her. and through her diary i was hoping for some secret window into her soul. that maybe she really did love us but just couldn't show it but could write it all out for us to read someday. so the day had come, i had the diaries and couldn't wait to read them. you can imagine my disappointment when i opened the first one and didn't find any stories or adventures or love. all i found was a laundry list of her day. no secret treasures, no hearts desires, no unspoken love. just mindless words of how the mailman ran late today and how the price of eggs had gone up. this was her life? this was what she spend hours and hours writing? why? why bother? so that day i determined in my heart i would not become like her. i would tell my stories and love my family and friends. on that day i started a box for squirt that i keep in my closet. it is full of letters that i have written to her over the years and that i continue to write to her. someday i will give it to her and we will read the letters together and remember what God has brought us through. someday she will have this blog and all my ramblings and she will look back and know i loved her and wanted to share my life with her and that she was a wanted child. God showed me through this process of grieving for my big granny that the only way to break a generational curse is not only through prayer but it is through the choices we make everyday. we have to look that curse in the eye and make the choices everyday to break it. when we feel ourselves sliding into those old family mindsets we must make the consciences effort to do what God has told us to do. when i feel i'm closing in on myself i must hug and kiss my children and tell them "i love you". i must pick up the phone and call my family and remind them i'm still here and out-of-sight is not out-of-mind. i must remember my friends, my peeps, that God has blessed me with and say to them i love you and lets do lunch or go for a walk or just sit together and talk. is this hard for me? yes at times this is almost physically painful, it is my flesh dying and my flesh doesn't want to die. but my heart wants to please God and this is what He requires of me.

Awaken what's inside of me

tune my heart to all You are in me

even though You're here, God come

and may the vision of You be the death of me

and even though You've given everything

Jesus come

moving day

tomorrow is moving day at work. our center manager in his infinite wisdom is doing a reorg of the office. so tomorrow at 2:30 i will be getting a new boss, a new desk, and a new cubie mate. i will still be doing the same old job just with a new view. my current cubie mate surprized me last friday as we sat and talked and worked. she told me that she has really enjoyed sitting with me and that i have been a good christian example for her. wow. i have to admit i have had my moments sitting with her. i guess you really never know the true effect you can have on people good or bad. thank you God this one was good. i've learned alot sitting with this lady, mainly how to just accept people where they are and to pray and trust God for their souls.

thanks God for the opportunity to make a difference in someones life. help me continue to be a good example to others. when i fall short and You know i will help me to humble myself and ask for forgiveness, even when its not my fault. help me to do my job everyday with joy and a song in my heart because there are always others watching and it would break my heart to cause You shame.

random thoughts

• watch out drivers!!!! freddie has passed her written test and will be driving tonight in the albertson's parking lot. she drives for class on friday and i just can't send her out there with no experience, but i just can't let her drive my truck in traffic. not yet anyways.
• marme - i have decided we need a womens retreat every month. can you handle that?
• moe made show choir for school!!!!!!! yeah we are so happy, one more school function to attend.
• squirt is at her own retreat. wonder if she'll come back as relaxed and full of God as i did?
• hubby's truck is finally running and has taken him to austin for his first custom welding job. he has designed and is building a staircase for some good friends.
• i really love to do laundry even though i gripe about it.
• la, christal and a - did i mention how wonderful y'all sounded at the retreat? well y'all are wonderful....thanks again.
• marme - did i mention we need a retreat about every 3 months. is that better?
• kdp's birthday is monday.
• freddie is making me watch beaches.....again.
• my house is so quiet with only 2 kids here. did i really just say that?
• OK marme - lets compromise....how about every 6 months for a womens retreat?

mary and martha

the most amazing thing about this weekend was the way that everyone came together and just did everything. there was no bickering or fighting or hurt feelings or "marthas" upset they were stuck in the kitchen doing all the work. everyone (as far as i could tell) was just sitting at the feet of Jesus. yes we did cook and serve each other but it was out of love and not "have to". i was one of the kitchen helpers and it was amazing how unstressed it was. at one point i started smelling wonderful brisket wafting up the staircase and i looked at the clock and realized it was 5 minutes until dinner. teresa and i looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders and said well we better check the food. no stress, no pressure we just laid out the food and everyone ate. it was beautiful. i have never experienced anything like it. i would even go so far as to say we had a little glimpse of heaven. everyone serving and worshipping and loving one another. it was wonderful.

wow

wow

thats the only word i have right now

wow

the womens retreat this weekend was just

wow

i am so spirtually, emotionally, and physically exhausted right now

wow

if you didn't get to go this year start praying and planning now about attending next year cause

wow

drivers ed

ok all week i have been taking my freddie to drivers ed class and every night as i'm waiting to pick her up i watch all the little kids coming out of the door. yes i said little kids cause thats what they are little kids. none of these kids look old enough to tie their shoes much less drive a car. and the really scary part is i started driving when i was 14. a whole year earlier than these kids. what was my mom thinking? how could you let a 14 year old drive a car. i'm sure she had her reasons but there is no way i'm letting squirt behind the wheel. so let this blog be a warning to everyone watch out cause they are letting toddlers drivers now.

drama

we had a minor meltdown in our house last night.

the following conversation happened 30 minutes past squirt's bedtime last night.
side note - today was picture day

mark - you need to quit trying on clothes and go to bed.

squirt - WAAAHHHHHHH

mark (with a look of bewilderment on his face) - whats wrong?

squirt - i just want to look pretty for picture day. WAAAHHHHHHHH

needless to say mom had to step in and calm the storm.

down

feeling the let down of a busy week.

my sister is on her way home, the kids and i are just wandering around the house trying not to get on each others nerves. freddie and moe are down, i'm down and poor squirt is just being herself, wondering why everyone is down.

i have eaten like crazy this week. must get back on track, but the womens retreat is coming up and i know i'll just be tempted to overeat. oh well...tomorrow is another day.

i'm tired i think i'll take a nap.

mi vida loca

first off thanks for all your prayers. God really moved fast this week and there were times i didn't have the words to pray but i know y'all did. below is a brief synopsis of my week.

sunday morning - mark and i decide to call the lawyer and start the process to become freddie and moe's legal guardians. my fear....this will push my sister over the edge but it must be done so that we can properly care for the kids.

monday afternoon - we take freddie down to the dmv to pre-register for the drivers ed course she is starting the following monday. they won't let me sign her paperwork because i'm not her legal guardian. this is just one example of the many roadblocks we have hit in the last few months.

monday night - call my sister and ask if mark can come pick her up the next day so that she can sign freddie's paperwork. she lives 2 hours away and doesn't have a car. while we are on the phone she breaks down crying and asks if she can come live with us. this really catches me off guard, i've already told her months ago that she could NEVER live with us. i tell her that i couldn't give her an answer right then and that we would discuss it when she got here. after i hang up i break down in tears and tell my husband he would need to make all decisions concerning the kids because i can't deal with any of this. after a good cry i come back to my senses and we decide to proceed with our plans of obtaining legal guardianship.

tuesday morning - as mark is driving to pick up my sister he calls the lawyer. after they get some general info they inform him that the lawyer is leaving on vacation that afternoon and it will be 2 weeks before we can make an appointment. mark says ok and leaves his tn# so that the para-legal can call him back with an appointment time. 2 hours later they call back and ask if he can be in their office at 1:30 to start the paperwork. he says yes.
we have decided to wait until friday night to tell my sister.
why friday you ask....we want to talk to her with the most privacy and the least amount of suspicion from the kids and this means we need both girls out of the house. freddie works on friday night and squirt has been invited to a sleepover on friday night so friday it is. also i don't want to tell her and then leave her alone so it needs to be when she can be watched. remember her suicide attempt 5 months ago is what started all of this.

the lawyer advises us that as long as my sister is in agreement it should all go fairly smoothly and only take about 60 days. big plus she doesn't have to appear in court.

friday night - how do i tell my suicidal bi-polar sister that i want custody of her kids?
this has been the thought that has chased me all week.
at this point i don't know how she will take it.
will she be angry, confused, relieved, paranoid, or all of the above?
well when it was all said and done she was relieved, she understands that she could not live here and that this will be the best thing for us all. she had actually been worried about what would happen to the kids if something were to happen to her. we explained that she was not signing over her rights she was just letting us have permission to care for the kids. we even decided that we would never revoke our legal guardianship. our lawyer explained that once my sister is stable and able to care for the kids we could revoke our rights. my sister wants us to never do this. she needs the stability of not worrying about who will care for them and if we are their legal guardians she never has to worry (in theory - us worriers know she will always worry but this will give her peace of mind when she does worry). she knows we will always care for them.

so this was my week. and in a few short weeks i will be the "legal" mom of 3 kids and step-mom of 1. for the grand total of 4 kids. WOW. who would've thought. how my life has changed over the last 5 months.

we never know what God has planned and if He had told me all of this i probably would have laughed at Him or said "no thanks i have enough on my plate". thanks God for giving me just what i need even when i think i don't need it.


p.s. i didn't laugh inappropriately. yeah God!!!!

rebel

i'm feeling like a rebel.

i had a dentist appointment today and i didn't even brush my teeth before i went.

yea i'm a rebel.

you might not want to hang around me i could be a very bad influence.

next i think i'm gonna go run around with scissors.

quote of the day

temptation is not only an opportunity to do the wrong thing, but an opportunity to do the right thing.

more prayer

well the decision has been made and all thats left is the telling.

when God moves fast He really moves.

sorry guys i can't tell y'all yet, i have to have a heart to heart with someone first, so please continue to pray. i need the wisdom to do this right and at the right time.

i also have this weird condition, if you can call it that, whenever i have to have a serious talk with someone i have a tendency to laugh. yes i said laugh. uncontrollable, inappropriate laughter. i know its weird. God has really impressed upon me that its all about the way i say it. so please pray i don't mess this up. my tongue can be a most unruly member, but my intentions are pure.

pray, pray, pray

God is working very fast on some things i have been praying about.

mark will be going to get my sister tomorrow for a visit.

we need to make some huge decisions involving the family.

all i can say right now is pray.

i am paralyzed by the enormousness of the decision we need to make.

just keep praying.

are y'all praying.

thanks.

hope

i am sensing something new around my house....i think its hope. freddie is at last settling in and realizing this isn't such a bad place after all. don't get me wrong she still misses her mom and sister, but she has been a much happier and contented girl. we have had many significant conversations and she actually wants to make friends and get involved. 16 is such a hard age especially when you get uprooted and made to live with people who are so different from your mom. squirt was gone all last weekend so freddie and i got to spend lots of quality time together. we had some good one on one time. just continue to pray for us. we are needing to make serious decisions regarding the kids and we need God's perfect will. its just such a hard place to be. our conviction all along has been to do what is best for the kids and sometimes what is best for the kids is not what is best for my sister. how do you explain to a crazy person that her kids can't get the best care unless you take them away from her for a time. how can she concentrate on getting better when you take her hope away.

we need you God. we need You to give us the wisdom we need to make this decision. guide our path and open the doors that need to be open and close the doors that need to be closed.

been sick

sorry A i know you worry when i don't blog but i've been sick. feeling better today but still have some congestion and a runny nose. it all started wednesday with a real bad pressure headache. so when i got off work i ran right home, made sure the kids had dinner, took some benadryl and put myself to bed. i slept from 6:30pm til 5:15 am. took care of the headache but now i've been battling the congestion and runny nose. i can't figure out if its a head cold or allergies. leaning towards the head cold since i'm only allergic to cats and dogs and i've stayed away from my cats. oh well this too shall pass.
whenever i'm sick its reminds me of how much i take for granted feeling good. and what a miracle it is that we don't get sick more. i'm not a germ-a-phobic like some. my mom's first piece of mothering advise when i brought squirt home from the hospital was let her get dirty or she will be retarded. no lie these were her exact words. of course you have to understand my mom. she was born in 1941 and was premature. being my grandmothers 1 and only child and taking into account my grandmothers lack of experience its a wonder my mom survived at all. you see my grandmother at that time thought the way to keep my mom healthy was to bathe her several times a day. after several sicknesses the doctor finally told her if she continued to bathe my mom in this manner she would be dead within a year. her premature body needed to build up immunities to the germs around her. he knew what we have forgotten. kids need to get dirty. they need to play in the dirt and make mud pies and feed them to their sister or the gullible neighbor kid. they need to ride their bikes up and down the street from dawn till dusk in the summer time. they need to catch frogs and lightnin' bugs and walk around with a pocket full of rollie pollies. we need to quit washing them down with anti-bacterial wipes and let them be kids.

how to season a cast iron skillet

how to season:
Wash skillet in hot, soapy water. Rinse thoroughly and dry completely.
Apply a thin coating of melted shortening (Crisco, for example) or vegetable oil with a soft cloth or paper towel.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place skillet UPSIDE DOWN on top oven rack.
Place foil on a cookie sheet and place on bottom rack of oven. This will catch the drippings from the skillet.
Bake in oven for one hour.
Turn oven off. DO NOT OPEN. Allow skillet to cool down in oven (several hours). There may be a film on your cookware, this comes off after use. You will have to use it a couple times as a test.

tips after use:
Clean skillet after use while still warm with hot water and a plastic scrub brush.
DO NOT put in dishwasher or wash with soap or dishwashing detergent.
Dry cast iron cookware thoroughly after washing, then spray lightly with vegetable oil (Pam, etc.) Wipe dry and store. Never store cookware with lid on; cast iron cookware needs air circulation.
Reseason cookware after cooking beans or acidic foods (such as tomatoes). Frying or cooking foods with fat content helps expedite the seasoning process.
Do not use cast iron cookware for storage of food.

Happy cooking....you can start now and pass down a seasoned pan to your daughters or daughters-in-law. my cast iron skillet is probably 40 years old and they are very hard to wear out. one day it will be squirt's if she wants it. i also have one for freddie from my big granny.

sunday dinners and my little granny

we have started a tradition in our home mostly out of necessity. instead of going out to eat after church we come home and have sunday dinner. its never anything too fancy, usually something i can throw in the crock pot. sometimes its just us and sometimes we invite a friend or two. never too many because i can only fit 10 people at the table comfortably and i want everyone at the table....kids and all. the purpose is to have the whole family together.

well i am a very sentimental person and the silliest things make me cry. today i made a big pan of cornbread for dinner and of course i made it in my little granny's cast iron skillet. that had to be the best cornbread i have ever eaten. if you have never had cornbread cooked in a perfectly seasoned pan then you are missing out. i grew up with grannies that could cook and let me tell you they cooked big home style meals. to this day my favorite meal is beans, cornbread, and fried potatoes w/sliced onions and fresh sliced garden tomatoes.

well anyways, my little granny would get up every morning and make fresh biscuits and for dinner we always had fresh cornbread. well my cornbread today tasted just like my little granny's and i kinda teared up. partly out of pride that after 22 years of making cornbread i finally produced a pan that would make my granny proud and partly out of just missing her. she would have loved my cornbread and would have made sure everyone tasted it and told me how good it was. she was like that she made sure all the kids that wanted to learn how to cook had plenty to do in her kitchen. she was always very patient and even if what you cooked came out bad she would still taste it and say it was good. but then isn't that what grannies are suppose to do.

big step of faith

i've started this post so many times, here and in my head. i've just found it hard to put in all into words and sometimes you just need to hold on to things before you blab it out to the whole world.

last monday after much prayer.....my husband quit his job and is now self-employed. this is something he has wanted for a while and has been working towards for the past 20 odd years. now i have to admit that it was my fear that kept him from doing this 3 years ago. ouch....that stings. i don't like to admit that i've held my husband back in any way. i always want to be the supportive encouraging wife, not the fearful nagging wife.

i realized after pastors message on wednesday that sometimes we can pray about things for so long that we use it as a road block. sometimes you just have to move in the direction that God has called you to and then let Him provide. i also realized that i constantly want God to prove Himself to me instead of just trusting Him to take care of things.

so here i am Lord just trusting You. whatever comes i will put my trust in You.

clarification

i now realize that i didn't make myself clear on my decisions post.

my company is asking for 20 volunteers in my department to quit their jobs and they fired 2 managers last thursday.
they make it sound so benign with the acronyms rif (reduction in force) and isp (incentive separation package). but the fact is people are losing their jobs. real people....people i see everyday....people who have spouses and children depending on them....are now looking for a new job. right now they are asking for volunteers but if that doesn't work will they go to a forced layoff? only time will tell. right now i can't worry about that, but it does make me think about my future. as i mentioned before the company has excellent benefits. one of these benefits is that they will pay for me to get a degree. the only question is can i handle college, kids and work. i can do it online and just take 1 class at a time. at that rate it will take me 7 years to get a 4 year degree. which isn't that bad. it is just a little **gulp** overwhelming. it has been 22 years since i've been in school **double-gulp**. kinda hurts a little to admit that.

so this is where i'm at.....if i don't at least try then i'll never know if i can succeed.

overwhelmed

instead of being overwhelmed by life. i want to be overwhelmed by God.

that is all.

decisions, decisions

we had a big shake up at work on thursday. there was a management rif (reduction in force) and we lost 2 managers. they also pulled all of us hourly employees into a meeting and the company is offering a voluntary rif to craft(me). they want 20 volunteers from our center. we knew the management rif was coming but i think it caught everyone off-guard when they announced the hourly rif. i have been with the company 8 years and they have never done this in my center.

so the question is do i want to volunteer? no

but this has got me to thinking about my job. i have been struggling with the blahs for about 3 months now. i know i am truly blessed to have the job i have. for the most part i enjoy the work i do. i get paid really well. good benefits. flex time. 3 weeks of paid vacation plus 7 personal days. but sometimes i sit back and think God is this what i'm suppose to do for the rest of my life? i can see this as my mission field and live my life so that others see You in me, but really if i have one more person yell at me because they can't get their phone number moved over on wednesday then i just don't know if its worth it. or if i have to fix one more big huge paperwork mess because some other rep didn't do their job. i just might scream or throw a huge fit on the floor. where is the satisfaction? the company i work for no longer cares about the customer or the employee, its all about the bottom line. that's what the rif's are about. the budget. we were told that if they don't get the 20 volunteers then it will be handled by cutting work and hours. is this really where you want me God? working for a company that doesn't care.

and then i hear that still small voice that reminds me of why i'm here. others, it whispers. you can positively affect those around you. you can get the number moved and fix the paperwork and make the world around you a little better. you can do what i've called you to do no matter where you find yourself. your calling is not so much about where you are its about who you are and who I am. they need Me. but they can't see Me right now. all they know of Me is what they see in you.

so sorry my friend

i'm so sorry my friend......you called on thursday night and i just didn't get it. you needed a friend and all i could talk about was my busy life. i should have invited you for dinner since we couldn't join you, but i was embarassed. we were not having something fancy that i would deem company worthy. we were having turkey on toast. delicious, but boring.

why do i do this?

why do i allow myself to miss out because i don't feel i measure up to some imaginary standard? or my home doesn't measure up? or my life doesn't measure up? where did this mark that i keep missing come from anyways? i don't know but its always there. lurking.....i can't always see it but i know it's there.

Lord, You have already brought me so far in this area but i can see there is still work to do. isn't that Your way just when we think we can take a breath its time to push again. push through all the old baggage, all the wrong mindsets, all the garbage that gets in the way of our relationships. our relationship with You and the wonderful friends You have placed in our lives. Thank You Lord for giving me wonderful relationships, now help me not to wreak them.

this is for you La

THANK YOU !!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!

you know what you did and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

freddie actually wants to go to church next wednesday and its all because of you.

words cannot express my gratitude. i have been praying and praying and praying and God has heard my prayer and answered it. if you haven't guessed i'm a little excited. yes i could of made her go to church on wednesday nights but it needed to be her wanting to go to church. not me making her go to church. anyways thank you. you have made a difference in her life.

really big tree

about 6:30am on Sunday morning i was startled awake by a loud crash. i of course jumped up to see what it was and the big tree in our backyard had crashed to the ground. apparently some disease had weakened the largest branch and it just gave way. it was such a God thing that it happened in the early morning. the kids are always playing under that tree. its also a God thing that it didn't hit the house or come through the living room window. Freddie was sleeping in the livingroom and could have been hurt. its amazing how God protects us even when we are sleeping.

the only damage was it pulled down the phone and cable lines. so we have been without internet and phone for almost 3 days.....i'm gonna have alot of blogs to catch up on and the cable gets hooked up on friday. the kids are so sad :(

progress

it has been exactly 4 months from my sisters suicide attempt and we have finally gotten an official diagnosis of bipolar type II. she meet with her whole treatment team at MHMR on monday and much was accomplished. number 1 is the correct diagnosis and now they can get her on the right medication. number 2 is her therapist agrees she should never work again and they are helping to push through her disability paperwork.

thank you everyone for praying. i have been trusting God that everything would be accomplished in His timing but sometimes the waiting and praying is hard. i couldn't get through any of this without the love and support of my friends.

girls night out!!!!!

ok ladies this saturday we're gonna have a girls night out. everyones invited so spread the word.

when: Saturday Aug 18th
where: local theater to watch "Becoming Jane"
time: 7ish (the movie starts at 7:45 and this is the first weekend so it will be crowded)

no need to rsvp just show up if you can.

1st day of high school....gulp

its just not fair. my baby should not be in high school, but she is. i thought it would be fun to take a look back at her first day in kindergarten.

On baby's first day of kindergarten i could not get the car stopped fast enough. she jumped out and took off running for her classroom with a "bye mom! you don't need to walk me in." over her shoulder. i cried all the way to work. she was so ready to get rid of me and start her new school adventure.



things really haven't changed. on her 1st day of high school. she jumped out of the car and immediately saw some friends. all i could hear was their laughter ringing in my head as i once again cried all the way to work.

a place thats familiar

my step-mom was born and raised in a small town in arizona. for the majority of her married life w/my dad she lived in texas. there was always an on-going "discussion" between my dad and her about why tx was better than az (him) or (her)why az was better than tx. she finally had the last word when my dad popped off that "tx is Gods country." her reply "well if tx is Gods country then He vacations in az." my dad could never think of anything to beat this. which is surprizing. my dad loved to argue and would most always come out on top. but not this time she had him beat.

after they separated, my step-mom got her hearts desire. she packed her stuff and moved back to az. before she moved i asked her after living for so many years in tx was there really any reason to move back. she stated very simply that she needed a place thats familiar. i didn't really understand fully what she meant at the time, but as i get older i am starting to understand. i also desire that place thats familiar. that place where you may not know everyone but everyone is familiar to you. we are so blessed being in the family of God that we can have this wherever we go. it is not exclusive to a geographical location. its a place within us, a place where the Trinity dwells.

that familiar place is with me always as a lean on God and trust Him to lead and guide me. how did i ever live without Him? its a mystery to me.

not enough sleep at the sleepover

i think these pictures say it all

when God says no

so what do you do when God says no. this is the question i keep asking myself. everytime i ask God should i do this or that i get the resounding answer of "No". as in No you can't volunteer to do that or No you can't lead that ministry or No i know you see the need but i only want you to pray. this has been a very hard place for me to be.

i have always been a leader from the moment my mom had me a baby sister and then my dad added another thru his 2nd marriage. i learned very early how to get things done and how to order my sisters into helping me do it. well i've gotten older and my sisters have moved far, far away. so i have found the next best place is church and now after 11 very active years God has shut me down. actually He shut me down 2 years ago when i first came to SAF, but i don't always listen the first time, or the 2nd time, or the third time. so now i'm listening. my heart is to serve Him and He knows that since He made me and all. so i step into this new phase of my life with sadness and wondering "is this really what my life is all about?" and God says yes. then i know i can keep saying no to all the well meaning people who want to volunteer me for ministry and my own self that wants to volunteer for ministry.

in answer to pb&j comment that i try to act like i don't fit in....its not that i feel like i don't fit in i just don't always know HOW to fit in. until i get to know the people around me in any situation i tend to act stand-offish and shy especially when i'm not in charge. control issues? yes i've got those too. lets just say all this is maybe's God's way of letting Him be in control and every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to trust Him more.

a note on the garage sale - i had more fun than i care to admit...we need to do more things like this. blogging is great, but i for one need face-to-face time w/my peeps.

this is my life

~~ monday thru friday ~~
get up, get ready, leave list of chores for kids to do during the day (or should i say when they get up around noonish), go to work for 8 hours during which i get several calls from my children asking me silly questions, like "may i please cook an 8 course lunch for the neighbors" or just to chat "i'm bored, what are you doing? can we go here, there, and anywhere when you get off work?" or to break up a fight "cliff is doing this or that or not doing this or that or should be doing this or that" you name it and he has been tattled on for doing it. of course all this time i'm whispering because i'm not suppose to answer my phone at work.

i get off work - run by grocery store and pick up milk and whatever else we just have to have. go home and tell (yell at) kids to finish their chores, tell (yell at) kids to stop yelling at each other, and tell (yell at) the kids to just do it because i said so.

then we evaluate what errands have to be done that evening or can be pushed off until the weekend. this week we have had 1 volleyball game, 2 different school meet and greets, 1 doctors appt, 1 haircut, highlight & eyebrow wax, 1 bake sale, 1 night of baking to prepare for the bakesale, 2 sleepovers, 2 sleepaways, 1 birthday party, 1 night of shopping to buy groceries, birthday present, and school supplies, 1 night of card games, and 1 school physical. sometime between all this i cook dinner, balance the checkbook, pay bills, pick up the house and order the kids around like slaves (their word not mine, my word would be because your part of this family and this is what families do).

i then collapse into bed and sleep like the dead until morning. where i get up and do it all again.

this is my life and as hectic as it sounds i wouldn't trade it for the world. i know its only for a season and i plan to live each day as it comes and enjoy it as best as i can.

my niece gave me the ultimate compliment on thursday night. she looked at my daughter and said "man, your mom is so into your life." this is my master plan to be so into all their lives as much they'll let me.