when God says no

so what do you do when God says no. this is the question i keep asking myself. everytime i ask God should i do this or that i get the resounding answer of "No". as in No you can't volunteer to do that or No you can't lead that ministry or No i know you see the need but i only want you to pray. this has been a very hard place for me to be.

i have always been a leader from the moment my mom had me a baby sister and then my dad added another thru his 2nd marriage. i learned very early how to get things done and how to order my sisters into helping me do it. well i've gotten older and my sisters have moved far, far away. so i have found the next best place is church and now after 11 very active years God has shut me down. actually He shut me down 2 years ago when i first came to SAF, but i don't always listen the first time, or the 2nd time, or the third time. so now i'm listening. my heart is to serve Him and He knows that since He made me and all. so i step into this new phase of my life with sadness and wondering "is this really what my life is all about?" and God says yes. then i know i can keep saying no to all the well meaning people who want to volunteer me for ministry and my own self that wants to volunteer for ministry.

in answer to pb&j comment that i try to act like i don't fit in....its not that i feel like i don't fit in i just don't always know HOW to fit in. until i get to know the people around me in any situation i tend to act stand-offish and shy especially when i'm not in charge. control issues? yes i've got those too. lets just say all this is maybe's God's way of letting Him be in control and every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to trust Him more.

a note on the garage sale - i had more fun than i care to admit...we need to do more things like this. blogging is great, but i for one need face-to-face time w/my peeps.