as she sleeps...

...i can see the baby she was 17 years ago.

...i can imagine her future as she steps to the edge of adulthood.

...i can pray she will never change and allow the world to make her hard.

...i can hope the hopes that all mothers hope for.

...i can wish she still listened to veggie tales and not hard core christian metal.

...i can dream for her.

my labor of love

i have recently taken up quilting. about a year ago i decided i needed a new hobby. i have always sewn but nothing was really getting me stirred up. when i really searched my heart i realized i wanted to do something that would have a legacy. i wanted to make something that my children and someday wayyyyy in the future my grandchildren would use.


i still have several quilts that my grandmother and 1st mother-in-law made me and they get more and more special everytime i use them. or when i see one of my kids wrapped up in them. at my granny's house she didn't own any blankets that i remember all she had was quilts and we used them for everything.


so about a year ago i decided to start making quilts....it couldn't be that hard right? right! i quickly learned there was so much more to quilting that just sewing a top together. the piecing is just the start then you have to be concerned about battings and needles and thread and backings and sashings and borders and marking pens or pencils and on and on and on and on. so in my quest i found and have joined a quilters guild. i am the youngest member at 42 the next youngest lady is 66 and the oldest lady is 91. we get together every wednesday and have an old fashioned quilting bee.


right after joining the group i was asked by a lovely young woman if i could make her a quilt. i of course said yes. she had just lost her 5 month old baby girl and couldn't part with any of her clothes but knew she couldn't hang on to all these clothes. her first thought was could a quilt be made out of them. after looking at what she had i decided we could make a heirloom quilt from the baby's cotton dresses but she still had a whole lot of onesies and such and she really wanted something she could hang on to and cry on and sleep with and just have with her at all times. My quilting friend Linda made the heirloom quilt and i made the other two.

this is mom's rag quilt. i took 5" by 5" squares from the baby's onesies and you turn the seams outward to create a rag effect.

this is the heirloom quilt from all the cotton clothes

and then for the dad i made a t-shirt quilt from all the little onesies he had bought.

encouragement

i am realizing that encouragement is a very delicate thing. most people encourage you with what they think you should do in a given situation. in reality you must do what God wants you to do. and to do that and encourage that may not sound like encouragment at all. sometimes the best encouragement you can give is silent and the best love is without guilt.

and then began to beat again

this is a most special day to me.

today is my 8 year wedding anniversary.

when mark and i prayed about what day we would wed i felt God whisper in my heart "you always felt your life ended on may 2nd so your new life will begin on may 3rd."

such a sweet God to think of everything, even the perfect day to get married.

the day my heart stopped

today is the day 21 years ago that my heart stopped. it took quite a few years for it to start beating again. but it did and i'm glad. i wouldn't trade my life now for anything, but sometimes i wonder. what would my life have been like if my first husband had lived.

how many children would we have had?

what kind of life would we be living?

would we even still be married? next year would be our 25th wedding anniversary.

so many questions.

the fact remains that he did not survive, he went to meet Jesus on may 2, 1989 and be with our 2 babies in heaven.

i believe you can't live through something like this and not have it change you forever. the choice is always how will it change you, for better or worse. i believe i have been changed for the good. death made me hard at first, like a protective shell, but as time went on the shell grew soft and finally fell away.

but i still remember especially on this day.

i often wonder

my boss from my very first adult job passed away a few weeks ago. as i was reading her obituary i was struck with something her son said. the obituary stated that his mom was a praying woman who led many people to the Lord, and was a light to many. wonderful words for his mom.

when i worked for this woman, which was about 23 years ago i was as close to not knowing the Lord as a person could get. during my 3 years of employment i never felt the love of Jesus as i know it today. i would have to be honest and say i only felt judgment, shame, and a feeling of never quite doing my job good enough. as a matter of fact when i left this job i purposed in my heart and mind that if being a christian meant being like her i didn't want anything to do with it.

so what happened? was it me? was my heart so hard that not even this praying church woman could see any good in me?

i'm not sure what the answers are but it has made me realize...am i as guilty as her?

how many people have i treated shamefully or ignored?

how many people have i stepped across or pushed aside to get to where i am without so much as a second glance?

how many people have decided they don't want to be christian if they have to be like me?

Lord forgive me if this is true.

through my open window

due to the remodeling going on at my house. i have had to move my computer into my dining room which is now my living room until my real living room is finished. the only logical place to put the computer was in front of the windows looking out to the street in front of my house. from this vantage point i am able to observe my neighborhood. i have to tell you my neighborhood is quite a happening place.

as i type this my neighbor to the left of me is pulling weeds in her side yard. when i work in my yard i prefer the kneel and pull method of weed removal. but my neighbor is currently in the bend and pull position with her rump pointed toward the street. ladies this is not a flattering position especially as we get older.

my across the street neighbor man to the left has just backed a rather large flatbed trailer into his back yard, which is protected by a privacy fence. what he has back there i do not know but i have my suspicions. i know there is a hot tub back there. before he put the privacy fence around the whole yard he just had one in the corner of the yard around his hot tub. on a regular basis you could see him and his wife trot out in their bathrobes and disappear behind the fence. we could let our imaginations run wild but i think we should move along and let them enjoy their privacy.

across the street and to the right we have my neighbor lady enjoying her first cigarette of the day....and her first hacking my lungs out coughing fit. now that their children have grown up and moved out they are a very quiet couple. about the only excitement they get into is when she decides its time to clean out the garage and they pull everything out into the yard. they then look at it for a few hours and then put it all back. this happens about twice a year. of course when they do this everybody driving by stops and asks if they are having a garage sale.

last but not least we have my neighbor lady to the right. she is the neighborhood nudist. she is in her 70's and likes to check the mail in her bra and panties. its quite a sight...let me tell you. the children have learned to not let their eyes stray into her yard for fear of what they might see. once again ladies as we get older certain positions are just not recommended. thankfully she stays indoors most of the time.

we have come to the end of my neighborhood tour. i poke fun but i have to admit i like my little corner of the world and all my neighbors are good hard-working people. we have our little eccentricities but then who doesn't. so if you will excuse me i have a large chicken wire sculpture of the easter bunny i need to finish.

so long since my last post

i know its been 6 months since my last post.

how sad is that

its been so long that i actually forgot my userid and password.

after much prayer and prompting from blogger i remembered what it was and was able to sign on.

whew!

so after living in this house for 17 years, we are finally finally finally getting the living room and kitchen finished. i started seriously updating my house 10 years ago and now i'm finally getting the last 2 rooms finished. when i started this i seriously didn't think it would take me 10 years but it has and i'll be glad to be done. of course if you own a home then you know that its never really done. as soon as i figure out how to upload the pictures from my camera i will post them.