learning to stand in a sit down world

i had the strangest thing happen to me at work today. the lady that i sit with at work came rushing in and started to log on to her computer. which is pretty normal she lives in a small town about 45 minutes away and is usually pushing it to get there at 7. now mind you we don't have a set time to be at work our time starts when we log on and then we have until 8pm to get our hours in. which is very nice. so anyways we are not officially working until we log on and she was having some trouble logging on so she hollars over the wall at our boss that she is here but has to reboot. then she leans over to me and says "its 7 o'clock, right?" i look at my computer and say no its 7:02. she looks me right in the eye and says "it's 7 o'clock, RIGHT?" and i say "NO! its 7:02". then she just looks at me funny and i say "listen if you want to say its 7 then just say its 7 but i don't want any part of it".

yeah i know its only 2 minutes but where does it end. my mind is thinking why would you jeopardize your job for 2 minutes. and if your willing to lie about 2 minutes what else will you lie about. well this little incident had me thinking all day long about honesty and integrity. some people have no problem saying a "little white lie" but is there truly such a thing. to me a lie is a lie. if you will lie to me about something little then you will have no problem lying to me about something big. maybe i still have some damage from my childhood that i need to work on. but just maybe we shouldn't lie....not even a little. not even 2 minutes worth.

maybe this has bothered me so much because i have been lied to. haven't we all had someone in our lives that would rather lie than tell the truth, even when the truth would be better. maybe this has bothered me so much because it just highlights the areas in my life that need some looking at. you know "those areas" the areas we all have that creep up from time to time. the areas of compromise in our lives that we can't quite seem to get rid of. oh i do good for a while and then before i know it i'm right back in the middle of it. why can't i just be done with it once and for all. but then i remember i'm human and that even though my spirit is strong my flesh is weak. so very, very weak. so then i turn once more to God and say "i can't do this on my own" and He says "well it's about time you came to your senses, come here and Daddy will make it all better. don't you know that's what I'm here for to take care of you and everything concerning you. don't you know its My delight to pursue you and lavish you with My love. why are you so scared of Me?" and then i realize thats it. i'm scared. so very scared of His love because so many times in the past i've been hurt. and i'm scared of the hurt and the pain and the lies. and then i think where did all this fear come from and i can't remember its been with me so long, almost my whole life. i get rid of it for a short time and then it comes back and grips my heart all over again. but i want to get rid of it forever. i want to live the life that God has planned for me, without fear, without remorse, without looking back and having regrets that i never truly lived.