do you ever have a thought or idea just take you by surprize?

well i had one this morning while i was driving to work.

i realized and this may sound funny to you, but i realized just how much i love my husband. love is just not a big enough word. i really looooovvvvveeeee my husband. i haven't allowed myself to feel this way about a man in so long it just catches me by surprise sometimes.

for those of you who don't know me very well let me elaborate before you think me an unfeeling person. when i was 20 years old i was widowed. i never realized until this morning that at that time i made a vow (unconsciously) that i would never love like that again. well i've broken the vow, because i love mark, not more, but definately better than i ever loved stephan. i hope this makes sense because it makes perfect sense in my mind. i know alot of ya'll have never had a relationship with anyone other than your husband and this is wonderful, but there are some of us out there that have had a whole different life before deciding to live for God. i am one of those. its real hard sometimes to not compartmentalize those parts of my life. it almost feels like that was a whole nuther life ago.

i welcome your comments. please tell me i'm not the only crazy one out there that thinks wierd thoughts and have strange flashes of how wonderful my life has turned out to be, even amidst the apparent chaos.