clarification

i now realize that i didn't make myself clear on my decisions post.

my company is asking for 20 volunteers in my department to quit their jobs and they fired 2 managers last thursday.
they make it sound so benign with the acronyms rif (reduction in force) and isp (incentive separation package). but the fact is people are losing their jobs. real people....people i see everyday....people who have spouses and children depending on them....are now looking for a new job. right now they are asking for volunteers but if that doesn't work will they go to a forced layoff? only time will tell. right now i can't worry about that, but it does make me think about my future. as i mentioned before the company has excellent benefits. one of these benefits is that they will pay for me to get a degree. the only question is can i handle college, kids and work. i can do it online and just take 1 class at a time. at that rate it will take me 7 years to get a 4 year degree. which isn't that bad. it is just a little **gulp** overwhelming. it has been 22 years since i've been in school **double-gulp**. kinda hurts a little to admit that.

so this is where i'm at.....if i don't at least try then i'll never know if i can succeed.

overwhelmed

instead of being overwhelmed by life. i want to be overwhelmed by God.

that is all.

decisions, decisions

we had a big shake up at work on thursday. there was a management rif (reduction in force) and we lost 2 managers. they also pulled all of us hourly employees into a meeting and the company is offering a voluntary rif to craft(me). they want 20 volunteers from our center. we knew the management rif was coming but i think it caught everyone off-guard when they announced the hourly rif. i have been with the company 8 years and they have never done this in my center.

so the question is do i want to volunteer? no

but this has got me to thinking about my job. i have been struggling with the blahs for about 3 months now. i know i am truly blessed to have the job i have. for the most part i enjoy the work i do. i get paid really well. good benefits. flex time. 3 weeks of paid vacation plus 7 personal days. but sometimes i sit back and think God is this what i'm suppose to do for the rest of my life? i can see this as my mission field and live my life so that others see You in me, but really if i have one more person yell at me because they can't get their phone number moved over on wednesday then i just don't know if its worth it. or if i have to fix one more big huge paperwork mess because some other rep didn't do their job. i just might scream or throw a huge fit on the floor. where is the satisfaction? the company i work for no longer cares about the customer or the employee, its all about the bottom line. that's what the rif's are about. the budget. we were told that if they don't get the 20 volunteers then it will be handled by cutting work and hours. is this really where you want me God? working for a company that doesn't care.

and then i hear that still small voice that reminds me of why i'm here. others, it whispers. you can positively affect those around you. you can get the number moved and fix the paperwork and make the world around you a little better. you can do what i've called you to do no matter where you find yourself. your calling is not so much about where you are its about who you are and who I am. they need Me. but they can't see Me right now. all they know of Me is what they see in you.

so sorry my friend

i'm so sorry my friend......you called on thursday night and i just didn't get it. you needed a friend and all i could talk about was my busy life. i should have invited you for dinner since we couldn't join you, but i was embarassed. we were not having something fancy that i would deem company worthy. we were having turkey on toast. delicious, but boring.

why do i do this?

why do i allow myself to miss out because i don't feel i measure up to some imaginary standard? or my home doesn't measure up? or my life doesn't measure up? where did this mark that i keep missing come from anyways? i don't know but its always there. lurking.....i can't always see it but i know it's there.

Lord, You have already brought me so far in this area but i can see there is still work to do. isn't that Your way just when we think we can take a breath its time to push again. push through all the old baggage, all the wrong mindsets, all the garbage that gets in the way of our relationships. our relationship with You and the wonderful friends You have placed in our lives. Thank You Lord for giving me wonderful relationships, now help me not to wreak them.

this is for you La

THANK YOU !!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!

you know what you did and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

freddie actually wants to go to church next wednesday and its all because of you.

words cannot express my gratitude. i have been praying and praying and praying and God has heard my prayer and answered it. if you haven't guessed i'm a little excited. yes i could of made her go to church on wednesday nights but it needed to be her wanting to go to church. not me making her go to church. anyways thank you. you have made a difference in her life.

really big tree

about 6:30am on Sunday morning i was startled awake by a loud crash. i of course jumped up to see what it was and the big tree in our backyard had crashed to the ground. apparently some disease had weakened the largest branch and it just gave way. it was such a God thing that it happened in the early morning. the kids are always playing under that tree. its also a God thing that it didn't hit the house or come through the living room window. Freddie was sleeping in the livingroom and could have been hurt. its amazing how God protects us even when we are sleeping.

the only damage was it pulled down the phone and cable lines. so we have been without internet and phone for almost 3 days.....i'm gonna have alot of blogs to catch up on and the cable gets hooked up on friday. the kids are so sad :(

progress

it has been exactly 4 months from my sisters suicide attempt and we have finally gotten an official diagnosis of bipolar type II. she meet with her whole treatment team at MHMR on monday and much was accomplished. number 1 is the correct diagnosis and now they can get her on the right medication. number 2 is her therapist agrees she should never work again and they are helping to push through her disability paperwork.

thank you everyone for praying. i have been trusting God that everything would be accomplished in His timing but sometimes the waiting and praying is hard. i couldn't get through any of this without the love and support of my friends.

girls night out!!!!!

ok ladies this saturday we're gonna have a girls night out. everyones invited so spread the word.

when: Saturday Aug 18th
where: local theater to watch "Becoming Jane"
time: 7ish (the movie starts at 7:45 and this is the first weekend so it will be crowded)

no need to rsvp just show up if you can.

1st day of high school....gulp

its just not fair. my baby should not be in high school, but she is. i thought it would be fun to take a look back at her first day in kindergarten.

On baby's first day of kindergarten i could not get the car stopped fast enough. she jumped out and took off running for her classroom with a "bye mom! you don't need to walk me in." over her shoulder. i cried all the way to work. she was so ready to get rid of me and start her new school adventure.



things really haven't changed. on her 1st day of high school. she jumped out of the car and immediately saw some friends. all i could hear was their laughter ringing in my head as i once again cried all the way to work.

a place thats familiar

my step-mom was born and raised in a small town in arizona. for the majority of her married life w/my dad she lived in texas. there was always an on-going "discussion" between my dad and her about why tx was better than az (him) or (her)why az was better than tx. she finally had the last word when my dad popped off that "tx is Gods country." her reply "well if tx is Gods country then He vacations in az." my dad could never think of anything to beat this. which is surprizing. my dad loved to argue and would most always come out on top. but not this time she had him beat.

after they separated, my step-mom got her hearts desire. she packed her stuff and moved back to az. before she moved i asked her after living for so many years in tx was there really any reason to move back. she stated very simply that she needed a place thats familiar. i didn't really understand fully what she meant at the time, but as i get older i am starting to understand. i also desire that place thats familiar. that place where you may not know everyone but everyone is familiar to you. we are so blessed being in the family of God that we can have this wherever we go. it is not exclusive to a geographical location. its a place within us, a place where the Trinity dwells.

that familiar place is with me always as a lean on God and trust Him to lead and guide me. how did i ever live without Him? its a mystery to me.

not enough sleep at the sleepover

i think these pictures say it all

when God says no

so what do you do when God says no. this is the question i keep asking myself. everytime i ask God should i do this or that i get the resounding answer of "No". as in No you can't volunteer to do that or No you can't lead that ministry or No i know you see the need but i only want you to pray. this has been a very hard place for me to be.

i have always been a leader from the moment my mom had me a baby sister and then my dad added another thru his 2nd marriage. i learned very early how to get things done and how to order my sisters into helping me do it. well i've gotten older and my sisters have moved far, far away. so i have found the next best place is church and now after 11 very active years God has shut me down. actually He shut me down 2 years ago when i first came to SAF, but i don't always listen the first time, or the 2nd time, or the third time. so now i'm listening. my heart is to serve Him and He knows that since He made me and all. so i step into this new phase of my life with sadness and wondering "is this really what my life is all about?" and God says yes. then i know i can keep saying no to all the well meaning people who want to volunteer me for ministry and my own self that wants to volunteer for ministry.

in answer to pb&j comment that i try to act like i don't fit in....its not that i feel like i don't fit in i just don't always know HOW to fit in. until i get to know the people around me in any situation i tend to act stand-offish and shy especially when i'm not in charge. control issues? yes i've got those too. lets just say all this is maybe's God's way of letting Him be in control and every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to trust Him more.

a note on the garage sale - i had more fun than i care to admit...we need to do more things like this. blogging is great, but i for one need face-to-face time w/my peeps.

this is my life

~~ monday thru friday ~~
get up, get ready, leave list of chores for kids to do during the day (or should i say when they get up around noonish), go to work for 8 hours during which i get several calls from my children asking me silly questions, like "may i please cook an 8 course lunch for the neighbors" or just to chat "i'm bored, what are you doing? can we go here, there, and anywhere when you get off work?" or to break up a fight "cliff is doing this or that or not doing this or that or should be doing this or that" you name it and he has been tattled on for doing it. of course all this time i'm whispering because i'm not suppose to answer my phone at work.

i get off work - run by grocery store and pick up milk and whatever else we just have to have. go home and tell (yell at) kids to finish their chores, tell (yell at) kids to stop yelling at each other, and tell (yell at) the kids to just do it because i said so.

then we evaluate what errands have to be done that evening or can be pushed off until the weekend. this week we have had 1 volleyball game, 2 different school meet and greets, 1 doctors appt, 1 haircut, highlight & eyebrow wax, 1 bake sale, 1 night of baking to prepare for the bakesale, 2 sleepovers, 2 sleepaways, 1 birthday party, 1 night of shopping to buy groceries, birthday present, and school supplies, 1 night of card games, and 1 school physical. sometime between all this i cook dinner, balance the checkbook, pay bills, pick up the house and order the kids around like slaves (their word not mine, my word would be because your part of this family and this is what families do).

i then collapse into bed and sleep like the dead until morning. where i get up and do it all again.

this is my life and as hectic as it sounds i wouldn't trade it for the world. i know its only for a season and i plan to live each day as it comes and enjoy it as best as i can.

my niece gave me the ultimate compliment on thursday night. she looked at my daughter and said "man, your mom is so into your life." this is my master plan to be so into all their lives as much they'll let me.

out of the mouths of babes

as i was lying on the couch saturday night moaning in pain from eating a whole pint of ben & jerrys turtle soup ice cream. i cried out "why did i eat the whole pint?" my daughter stated very matter of factly "well, you are upset because of blah, blah, blah which has caused you to emotionally eat"

no lie - she really said this to me. the blah blah blah will be the subject of another blog, but for now i'm still stunned.

skillet lasagna

don't really have much to say but i really liked pb&j's recipe idea. below is one of my kids favorite meals. i like it because it tastes just like lasagna and you cook it all in one skillet and it only takes 30 minutes from start to finish...no lie.


Skillet Lasagna

1 (28-ounce) can diced tomatoes ~ (do not use 2 14-oz cans you get to much tomato and not enough juice)
water
1 T olive oil
1 med onion - minced
3 med cloves garlic - minced or pressed (about 1 T)
1/8 t red pepper flakes
1 lb ground meat
10 curly edged lasagna noodles, broken into 2 in lengths
1 can 8-oz tomato sauce
1/2 c grated parmesan cheese ~ plus 2 additional tablespoons for sprinkling
ground black pepper
1 C ricotta cheese

1. pour tomatoes w/juices into 1 quart liquid meassuring cup. add water until mixture measures 1 quart.

2. heat oil in large non-stick skillet. add onion and 1/2 t salt and cook until onion begins to brown, about 5 minutes. stir in garlic and pepper flakes and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. add ground meat and cook, breaking apart meat, until no longer pink, about 4 minutes. (at this point if you are using 80/20 meat you will want to drain the meat in a collander to remove the excess oil and then return meat to the skillet and proceed with step 3)

3. scatter pasta over meat but do not stir. pour diced tomatoes w/juices and tomato sauce over pasta. cover and bring to a simmer. reduce heat to med-low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until pasta is tender, about 20 minutes.

4. remove skillet from heat and stir in 1/2 C parmesan. season w/salt and pepper. dot with heaping tablespoons ricotta, cover, and let stand off heat for 5 minutes. sprinkle with 2 T parmesan and serve.