Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to "keep it together." So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. "I'm gonna harden my heart," sang Rindy Ross. "I'm going to swallow my tears." A terrible, costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It's an understandable fear - but it is no more true than the fear we had of the dark as children. Grief, dear sisters, is good. Grief helps to heal our hearts. Why, Jesus himself was a "man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." (Isa. 53:3)
Let the tears come. Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will - many things. Anger. That's okay. Anger's not a sin (Eph. 4:26). Remorse. Of course you do. Fear. Yes, that makes sense. Jesus can handle the fear as well. In fact, there is no emotion you can bring up that Jesus can't handle. (Look at the Psalms - they are a raging sea of emotions).
Let it all out.
As Augustine wrote in his Confessions, "The tears . . . streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested." Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there - the tears of a little girl who is lost and frightened. The tears of a teenage girl who's been rejected and has no place to turn. No one understands. The tears of a woman whose life has been hard and lonely and nothing close to her dreams.
Let them come.
(Captivating,101-102)
that last sentence really got me. my life has had its times of "being hard and lonely and nothing close to my dreams." its nice to know God has my back and with Him i can let down my guard and just let it all out.
wow.
ReplyDeleteyour words are so true here and they have touched me. Thank you
I think I'm gonna have to get my book back out and reread it. It's too easy to slip back into my little cave and curl up in ball, hiding from the world.
ReplyDeleteThanks that is something that I have been battling with for way too long. Thanks I have tried to write off the feelings and then I keep struggling with them. So I need that.
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