my sisters keeper

over the last few weeks i have realized that i am my sisters keeper. not in a physical way but in a loving way. this is not a responsibility i have asked for but sometimes when you love someone God asks you to take responsibility for them. i have made a promise to her that i will not allow her to hide her illness. for the sake of her children and soon to be grandchild her hiding days are over. as hard as it is i will always be that person who will be in her face making sure she is taking care of her mental health. i will ask the hard questions and i won't let her off the hook with a half way answer. i have also realized that with her suicide attempt 7 months ago i will never have my old sister back. i can no longer be fooled into thinking she's ok. i will always be on guard and watching for the signs. i know this may sound harsh but this was not her 1st attempt. her 1st attempt was at the age of 11 and she has made several attempts since then. the last one being the closest she has come to succeeding. until recently i was not aware of several of the attempts. we have always lived several hours away from each other and the few times we would visit she would put on her happy face. she has always been able to hide or lie to herself and everyone around her about the true state of things. it has amazed me over the last months how God shows me things that i need to know. if her or the kids are trying to hide something from mark or me God brings out the truth. every time. i will be needing lots of prayer and lots of God's truth over the next few months. my sister is finally on a medication that seems to be working. she has not had a suicidal thought in about 2 months. which is wonderful news. she will be coming at the end of the month to spend a week with us for christmas. at the end of that week she will stay in town at a homeless shelter until she can find a job and get a place of her own. even though she will be living in town we will still have the kids. i don't know if she will ever be able to handle the stress of raising them and if she can't then they will always have a place here with us. when she moves to town it will be very hard on freddie. the thought of her mom being here but still not being able to be with her everyday will be a challenge for her and i don't think she realizes that this is her moms choice. her mom wants the kids to stay with us even when she gets on her feet. a very hard pill to swallow especially for a mommas girl like freddie. so lots of prayer is needed for the whole family.