scriptures

as part of my list i am making an effort to read thru the whole bible. i've read alot of the bible but i'm not sure if i've read the WHOLE thing. since our womens bible study has been in the book of psalms i thought i would start there. on may 1st i started reading psalms. i divided the chapters into 30 days of reading. this works out to about 5 chapters a day. so on may 30th i will have read the entire book of psalms. i must admit i have read the book of psalms before but it never hurts to read them again. i find it fascinating how many psalms we have made into songs. and i'm not just talking about hymns but songs i listen to just about everyday on the radio or on my ipod. the word of God is truly timeless and speaks to us no matter where we are or where we have been. below are just a few verses that have really ministered to me this week. also the song "not to us" that we sang this morning in church is from ps 115.

ps 102
even they will perish, but You endure;
and all of them will wear out like a garment;
like clothing You will change them and they will be changed.
but You are the same,
and Your years will not come to an end.
the children of Your servants will continue,
and their desendants will be established before You.

ps 143:6
i stretch out my hands to You;
my soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah.

ps 144:15b
how blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!

ps 145:15-16
the eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food in due time.
You open Your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

ps 84:12
o Lord of hosts;
how blessed is the man who trusts in You!

ps 55:6
i said "oh, that i had wings like a dove!
i would fly away and be at rest.

ps 115:1
not to us, o Lord, not to us,
but to Your name give glory
because of Your lovingkindness, because of Your truth.

the big 4 - oh

as some of you know i turned the big 40 on thursday. i had alot of people ask me if it bothered me turning 40 and to be honest i would have to say no. i thought it would bother me more than it did but it really didn't. if anything it has made me more introspective. it has made me stop and think about who i am and who do i want to be. i have realized that turning 40 is not the end of the world and in alot of ways its just the beginning. i have just enough time under my belt to realize that alot of things i thought mattered really don't and now that i realize they don't really matter i can stop it and do what really does matter.

God has been putting some very interesting reading in my path lately. some it is His word (go figure) and some of it is thru magazines and books. the magazine article that really got me to thinking was about a mother of teenagers (go figure, again) that felt she had become a thing to her children, a means to an end, a maid/taxi driver/atm/cook/whatever they needed her to be but not who she really was, their mother. she also realized she was getting a bad attitude and didn't want her children to remember her as this bitter, resentful mom, but as the mom that gladly did for her children because she loved them. i don't want to be this bitter resentful mom that at times i feel i am becoming. i know there is a fine line between being a giver and being taken for granted. every person should have healthy boundaries in place so that they aren't everyone's doormat and i don't believe we have been called to cater to our childrens every beck and call. we must teach them personal responsibility, but we must also show them unconditional love and that if anything we are always on their side even if that means being tough.

so God has been working on me. He has really got me examining who i perceive myself to be and how that matches up to His reality of who i am. He keeps telling me that its ok to be me, i don't have to be everyone else. i can have my own opinion and not apoligize for it. its ok to like or not like what everyone else likes. the people who love me love me for me not for what i can do for them or be for them. this has been a big struggle for me. i feel this need to conform to those around me. pastor said something several months ago that really got me to thinking. he said that everyone is moving at a different pace and its ok to move at your own pace. for the last year God has definately moved me at a different pace and gotten me out of my comfort zone. in alot of ways my kids have taught me things i didn't know i needed to learn. they have challenged me in areas that i wouldn't challenge myself. they have caused me to examine who i am and who i am becoming. they have made me a better person in spite of myself. they have kept me on my face before God and have caved in my heart with their trials and growing pains. they have made me who i am today and for that i am truly thankful.

we're learning

moe is learning to never say i'm bored while in my presence. he got the awesome privledge of washing dishes and folding laundry for that little comment.

freddie is learning she kinda likes it here. i have caught her several times refering to this house as her home. not just the place she is staying until she moves again.

squirt is learning that it's hard being a teenage girl. we are still having girl troubles but this too shall pass.

mark is learning that girls like to giggle and squeal and make all kinds of noise and they usually do it louder when dad is chasing them.

i am learning that i love my life and who i am and who i am becoming.

home again home again jigity jog.....

...we just got back from feeding the hogs.

another one of my dads sayings. you all must think my family is incredibly weird and you would be right. we are incredibly weird but we know how to have fun.

my wonderful husband took me to fredericksburg for my anniversary/birthday. it was wonderful. fredericksburg is one of our favorite weekends spots. we always stay at a different b & b. we have stayed at some wonderful ones that i would love to stay at again, but it seems that everytime i go online to make reservations a different one will catch my eye. so we have stayed at several b & b's. the one we stayed at this weekend was wonderful. it was the perfect couple get-a-away place. it was only 3 blocks off of main so we could walk everywhere most of the weekend.

we went to trade days which was a new experience. i can't believe i've been going there for 6 years and have never gone to trade days. i will certainly go back. my favorite part was as i was sitting on the floor sorting through a box of silverplate from germany and suddenly realizing that this was fun to me. i'm not a boutique kinda girl. i'm a dig through a big box of junk to find a treasure kinda girl. i blame my dad and step-mom. they used to drag us to all kinds of junk shops, uh sorry dad "antique shops" and we would spend hours finding treasures in piles of junk. i also credit my dad for my crazy sense of decorating style. if you can call it a style. he was famous for taking simple farm and primitive implements, cleaning them up, maybe slapping on a coat of paint, hanging them on the wall and calling them art. i thought it was wonderful. just the thought of playing around with different things and turning them into something else was just incredible to me.

so what did i find in that big-o box of junk? i found some beautiful german silverplate teaspoons, shrimp forks and big serving spoons.

woo-hoo happy birthday to me.

and were off....like a herd of wild turtles

this is what my dad would always say everytime we went anywhere in the car. after he would say this all three little girls in the backseat would say in unison

"we're hungry, we're thirsty, we need to go to the bathroom"

then we would all laugh like crazy and get on the road.

My dad loved car trips. one summer we went all over texas, new mexico and arizona. of course we could never stay in a motel. we would either camp out or stay at a relative's house. it was a combination of visiting family and sightseeing every little tourist attraction you can imagine. i have seen the grand canyon, petrified forest, carlsbad caverns, painted desert, and a metour crater.

good times and good memories

thank you God for my thorns

a friend sent this to me and i wanted to pass it along.....enjoy.


If we would only listen to what God is trying to tell us.

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.

Troubles had multiplied.

Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. " Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk.

"I . . . I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer,

"Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose ste ms were neatly snipped: there were no flowers.

"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched - was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.

Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with . . . uh . . . she left with no flowers!"

"That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery . That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop.

"Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.

"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement . . . twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"

"Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too . . . fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment.

"I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me."

The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

It read:

"My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns.

God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.
We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape. God did it with nails

thanks guys

thanks for all your prayers. some years it just hits harder than others. to be honest, grief is a fickle friend. sometimes i'll see someone that reminds me of him and it will hit like a ton of bricks. other times i will go years without so much as a second thought. thankfully God has given me the comfort of knowing i will see him again one day. i was pretty weepy yesterday and that hasn't happened in a long time. with the stress of the last year i shouldn't be surprised. but talking about it helps. so many people don't know what to say when someones dies or even years later. but to not talk about him would be as if he never lived. i just appreciate the fact that i have good Godly friends who will let me be sad when i need to be sad, but will also be glad when i am glad.

remembering stephan

19 years ago today i lost my first husband in a horrible accident. it's so funny how we say "lost". he wasn't really lost i knew exactly where he was, but he was lost to me. the day started out just like any other. who knew that by the end of the day i would be a widow. there are parts of that day i will never forget and parts of that day i can't remember. i do remember one minute being perfectly happy and the next minute my whole world crashing in around me. my mind just couldn't wrap around the fact of what was going on. i was lucky in the fact that he was coherent and couldn't stop talking to me. for what seemed like hours but in reality was only about 30 minutes i laid beside my husband as he bled to death from an accidental gun shot wound. all he wanted was for me to hold him. so i did. i laid down in the grass and held him one last time. he knew the ambulance wouldn't get there in time. its strange watching someone you love die. watching the color drain from their eyes. literally the blue drained from his eyes. but he talked and talked and talked. nothing profound just that wanting to know that i was there and listening one last time.