clarification

i now realize that i didn't make myself clear on my decisions post.

my company is asking for 20 volunteers in my department to quit their jobs and they fired 2 managers last thursday.
they make it sound so benign with the acronyms rif (reduction in force) and isp (incentive separation package). but the fact is people are losing their jobs. real people....people i see everyday....people who have spouses and children depending on them....are now looking for a new job. right now they are asking for volunteers but if that doesn't work will they go to a forced layoff? only time will tell. right now i can't worry about that, but it does make me think about my future. as i mentioned before the company has excellent benefits. one of these benefits is that they will pay for me to get a degree. the only question is can i handle college, kids and work. i can do it online and just take 1 class at a time. at that rate it will take me 7 years to get a 4 year degree. which isn't that bad. it is just a little **gulp** overwhelming. it has been 22 years since i've been in school **double-gulp**. kinda hurts a little to admit that.

so this is where i'm at.....if i don't at least try then i'll never know if i can succeed.

overwhelmed

instead of being overwhelmed by life. i want to be overwhelmed by God.

that is all.

decisions, decisions

we had a big shake up at work on thursday. there was a management rif (reduction in force) and we lost 2 managers. they also pulled all of us hourly employees into a meeting and the company is offering a voluntary rif to craft(me). they want 20 volunteers from our center. we knew the management rif was coming but i think it caught everyone off-guard when they announced the hourly rif. i have been with the company 8 years and they have never done this in my center.

so the question is do i want to volunteer? no

but this has got me to thinking about my job. i have been struggling with the blahs for about 3 months now. i know i am truly blessed to have the job i have. for the most part i enjoy the work i do. i get paid really well. good benefits. flex time. 3 weeks of paid vacation plus 7 personal days. but sometimes i sit back and think God is this what i'm suppose to do for the rest of my life? i can see this as my mission field and live my life so that others see You in me, but really if i have one more person yell at me because they can't get their phone number moved over on wednesday then i just don't know if its worth it. or if i have to fix one more big huge paperwork mess because some other rep didn't do their job. i just might scream or throw a huge fit on the floor. where is the satisfaction? the company i work for no longer cares about the customer or the employee, its all about the bottom line. that's what the rif's are about. the budget. we were told that if they don't get the 20 volunteers then it will be handled by cutting work and hours. is this really where you want me God? working for a company that doesn't care.

and then i hear that still small voice that reminds me of why i'm here. others, it whispers. you can positively affect those around you. you can get the number moved and fix the paperwork and make the world around you a little better. you can do what i've called you to do no matter where you find yourself. your calling is not so much about where you are its about who you are and who I am. they need Me. but they can't see Me right now. all they know of Me is what they see in you.

so sorry my friend

i'm so sorry my friend......you called on thursday night and i just didn't get it. you needed a friend and all i could talk about was my busy life. i should have invited you for dinner since we couldn't join you, but i was embarassed. we were not having something fancy that i would deem company worthy. we were having turkey on toast. delicious, but boring.

why do i do this?

why do i allow myself to miss out because i don't feel i measure up to some imaginary standard? or my home doesn't measure up? or my life doesn't measure up? where did this mark that i keep missing come from anyways? i don't know but its always there. lurking.....i can't always see it but i know it's there.

Lord, You have already brought me so far in this area but i can see there is still work to do. isn't that Your way just when we think we can take a breath its time to push again. push through all the old baggage, all the wrong mindsets, all the garbage that gets in the way of our relationships. our relationship with You and the wonderful friends You have placed in our lives. Thank You Lord for giving me wonderful relationships, now help me not to wreak them.

this is for you La

THANK YOU !!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!

you know what you did and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

freddie actually wants to go to church next wednesday and its all because of you.

words cannot express my gratitude. i have been praying and praying and praying and God has heard my prayer and answered it. if you haven't guessed i'm a little excited. yes i could of made her go to church on wednesday nights but it needed to be her wanting to go to church. not me making her go to church. anyways thank you. you have made a difference in her life.

really big tree

about 6:30am on Sunday morning i was startled awake by a loud crash. i of course jumped up to see what it was and the big tree in our backyard had crashed to the ground. apparently some disease had weakened the largest branch and it just gave way. it was such a God thing that it happened in the early morning. the kids are always playing under that tree. its also a God thing that it didn't hit the house or come through the living room window. Freddie was sleeping in the livingroom and could have been hurt. its amazing how God protects us even when we are sleeping.

the only damage was it pulled down the phone and cable lines. so we have been without internet and phone for almost 3 days.....i'm gonna have alot of blogs to catch up on and the cable gets hooked up on friday. the kids are so sad :(

progress

it has been exactly 4 months from my sisters suicide attempt and we have finally gotten an official diagnosis of bipolar type II. she meet with her whole treatment team at MHMR on monday and much was accomplished. number 1 is the correct diagnosis and now they can get her on the right medication. number 2 is her therapist agrees she should never work again and they are helping to push through her disability paperwork.

thank you everyone for praying. i have been trusting God that everything would be accomplished in His timing but sometimes the waiting and praying is hard. i couldn't get through any of this without the love and support of my friends.

girls night out!!!!!

ok ladies this saturday we're gonna have a girls night out. everyones invited so spread the word.

when: Saturday Aug 18th
where: local theater to watch "Becoming Jane"
time: 7ish (the movie starts at 7:45 and this is the first weekend so it will be crowded)

no need to rsvp just show up if you can.