9 months

i should be giving birth any moment now.

on thursday i had a dr appt. actually i went in to interview a dr to see if he was gonna be who i wanted. something is happening to me the closer i get to the big 40. i am getting so bold when it comes to certain things. i am so tired of doctors who schedule appts every 15 minutes and then just want to write you a prescription. is it so wrong to want a dr to actually be a dr? to actually listen to you and try to figure out whats wrong with you and that sometimes you don't need a prescription. you might just need someone to tell you the hard things like you need to lose weight, quit smoking, drinking...etc. and no i don't smoke or drink, but i do need to lose weight. about 50 pounds but we will be happy with 40. so i now have a dr who acts like a dr.

the kids are doing great. we have started counseling and its going well so far. the kids like their drs and hopefully we can work through some of the issues. in the past 3 weeks we have had a total of 6 dr/dentist/eye appts for everyone (mom and dad included, dad needs bi-focals hehehehehe) and the next 2 weeks we will have a total of 10 more appts. i am being co-payed to death but freddie and moe have never had an eye exam and very few dental cleanings and even fewer dr visits. luckily freddie only had 1 cavity and moe has none. once we get everyone caught up it won't be so bad. oh and did i forget squirt is getting braces next month. we find out on monday how much this will cost us. thank God for insurance.

sister is doing good. i am learning when to push and when to lead. it is so weird realizing she is truly mentally ill. there are some things she will never be able to do. some normal day to day tasks totally stress her out or she just goes into a state of denial and conveniently 'forgets' to do them. its almost like having a 5th child. only this child is an adult and doesn't always want to be told what to do. so God is giving me the strength and courage to take responsibility and push/lead when i needs doing. come to think of it i've always been the responsible one. the one who always made sure everyone was taken care of. it's not such a bad thing. when it starts getting to me i realize that God is always responsible for me and i don't always have to do it all. the other morning my husband said the most remarkable thing 'control is an illusion'. how right he is. i am a bit of a control freak and those 4 little words have wandered thru my mind more than once this week. when i find myself getting anxious i just think of Who is really in control and the anxiety goes away.