through my open window

momma was right

2011-11-18T18:21:00.000-06:00

as much as i hate to admit that, but my momma was right about a lot of things. right now she is right about how hard it is to let your children transition from childhood to adulthood.

colleen had a terrible, rotten, no good horrible day on tuesday and there was nothing i could do about it.

let me rephrase that - i could have done the wrong thing and jumped in and made it all better for the moment but then she wouldn't have learned anything.

i have to admit. i'm having a hard time with this. this letting go and letting her make her own decisions. but i have to let her succeed and fail and the only way to do that is to let her go.

big sigh

the quilting bee

2011-10-15T10:16:00.000-05:00

every wednesday i go to a quilting bee at my local quilters guild. i know it sounds so old fashioned but it is such good therapy. i absolutely love it and even turned down a promotion at my job because i would have to give up my wednesdays at the guild. i need these ladies and i feel sure they need me. you see i am the baby of the group. i'm 43 and i am the youngest member by 15 years. the next youngest member is in her late 50's and our oldest member is 93.

when i joined the guild last year i was expecting to encounter all this wisdom and knowledge and grandmotherly love. i expected these ladies to be founts of grace learned from a lifetime of trials and hardships and laughter and child rearing. i expected to sit at their feet and glean from them everything i need to age gracefully. i did find this but i also found that women are women no matter where you are or how old you are.

to a small degree i have found insecurities, pettiness, jealousy's, hurt feelings, loneliness, and greed. how could this be. how could these women not be everything i wanted them to be. how could these ladies not have it all figured out by now. i so wanted them to have all the answers but sadly they don't and they never will.

to a bigger degree i have found love and acceptance for just who i am. i have found ladies who love to laugh, tell jokes and argue about politics and the state of the world today. i have found a community. a community of women who still care and want what they do to matter. they take pride in the work of their hands and love sharing that gift with others. at 43 i have found a place where i belong.

peaceful easy feeling

2011-10-08T11:10:00.000-05:00

since last Sunday i have had this peaceful easy feeling. yes i know thats an eagles song and i love me some eagles. their words just perfectly describe what i'm feeling right now. i am still exhausted from the women's retreat but its a physical exhaustion and not a mental one. normally i feel completely rung out after retreat but this year was different. not sure why and i'm not gonna question it too much. i'm just gonna enjoy this peace and thank God for all he did in my heart and the hearts of my sisters this past weekend.

and then there were two

2011-09-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

i knew this day would come but i wasn't prepared for the suddenness of it. as of last night cliff is back with his mom. the nephew that i have loving raised for 4 years is no longer in my home. i will still see him but its not the same. how do you suddenly switch gears?

some may not agree with our decision but to be honest there is no compelling reason to not let him go. my sister is as stable as she will ever be and finally at a place where it will just be her and him. he craves his mother's attention and affection and i pray she will be able to give him what he needs.

but in the meantime i will pray for my heart to heal and for his questions to be answered.

its all worth it

2011-07-31T08:17:00.000-05:00

yesterday Colleen and i went to a baby shower. the new momma had a big list of books on her registry and i was pleased to see Colleen's favorite bedtime book on the list. so of course i bought it.

after the shower we had a big conversation about what books i used to read to her before bed. when i mentioned one her favs that happened to be my least fav, she had to giggle about how much she made me read it to her. its not my fav because it has singing parts in it and they are not just regular singing parts they are animal singing parts.

so when i woke up this morning this is the note i found (get some tissue...just saying)

"Sing to me my own song." he said "you have the most beautiful voice in all the whole wide world. Sing me my own song" excerpt from A Song for Little Toad

I love you soooo much. You are the most amazing mother ever! I don't think anyone could do just as well as you did. As i read this book i thought of how you raised me in your own way, not how others told you too. and i couldn't be more thankful for it!

I love you so much!

(don't cry too much :)

thanks for 18 AMAZING years!

Colleen - your little toad :)

its times like these that remind you its all worth it. every tear, every heartache, every battle, every victory.

sabbath rest

2011-07-03T21:22:00.000-05:00

God really knew what He was doing when he commanded us to take a day off.

after my most horrible, awful, terrible no good week i took saturday off.

totally off.

i read a book and it was glorious.

pulling weeds

2011-06-25T07:56:00.003-05:00

after the rainstorm on tuesday night i had quite a few weeds spring up in my yard. my first thought was to just mow them down...then i thought they'll just grow back stronger and bigger than before. so last night i got out the hose and soaked the ground really well and this morning before it got to hot i went out to pull weeds.

the most dreaded of childhood chores. pulling weeds ranked right up there with picking beans and gathering pecans. which i would swear on a stack of bibles we must of had 1 million bean plants and at least that many pecans in our yard each fall.

now i know a million preachers have preached it and at least a million people have heard it but God really does speak to you while you are doing the most mundane tasks. if we will only listen and apply what He says. its as if He has provided the chores as mini life lessons. i am the type of person that has to see it then do it to learn it. so just sitting in church and listening to the Word only takes me so far. i have to then go out and do it in the real world. so my challenge is this the next time you have a chore that really needs to be done and you really don't want to do it ask God to speak to you. ask Him what you could possibly learn from this sink full of dirty dishes. i think you just might be surprised. i know i am.

i not only pulled the weeds in my yard this morning but i was able to pull up some spiritual weeds that have been choking the life out of me. now my challenge is to keep them pulled. they will try to come back but if i catch them when they are small and soak the ground really well i have no doubt God will give me His strength to pull them out.

God wants you to know

2011-06-23T06:27:00.002-05:00

Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his daughter, I carried the image of you in My eyes, for you were created in my image. Before the beginning of time I chose you. I spoke your name into the heavens, and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.

You are Mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than the ocean. You are My pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of My hand. I love you even in the face of your failure.

Nothing you say or do can cause Me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you.

Run from Me--I will love you.
Spurn Me--I will love you.
Reject yourself--I will love you.

You see My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary.

When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence.

You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you--heart, mind, and body.

You are My desire.

When you turn your head in shame and despise what i have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am yours.

adapted from 1 John 3:2, Isaiah 43:4, Matthew 13:46, Ephesians 1:4, Revelation 13:8, Psalm 194:4, Song of Solomon 7:10; 6:3 by Regina Franklin

shes done

2011-05-29T18:28:00.005-05:00

i was just checking my blog and couldn't believe my last post was at the beginning of the school year and it was about my daughter.

here it is the end of the school year and she has graduated. no more high school. no more notes to write. no more school assemblies and trips. no more permission slips. no more parent teacher conferences.

the days go slowly but the years fly.

as she sleeps...

2010-08-16T18:54:00.002-05:00

...i can see the baby she was 17 years ago.

...i can imagine her future as she steps to the edge of adulthood.

...i can pray she will never change and allow the world to make her hard.

...i can hope the hopes that all mothers hope for.

...i can wish she still listened to veggie tales and not hard core christian metal.

...i can dream for her.

my labor of love

2010-08-01T18:38:00.005-05:00

i have recently taken up quilting. about a year ago i decided i needed a new hobby. i have always sewn but nothing was really getting me stirred up. when i really searched my heart i realized i wanted to do something that would have a legacy. i wanted to make something that my children and someday wayyyyy in the future my grandchildren would use.

i still have several quilts that my grandmother and 1st mother-in-law made me and they get more and more special everytime i use them. or when i see one of my kids wrapped up in them. at my granny's house she didn't own any blankets that i remember all she had was quilts and we used them for everything.

so about a year ago i decided to start making quilts....it couldn't be that hard right? right! i quickly learned there was so much more to quilting that just sewing a top together. the piecing is just the start then you have to be concerned about battings and needles and thread and backings and sashings and borders and marking pens or pencils and on and on and on and on. so in my quest i found and have joined a quilters guild. i am the youngest member at 42 the next youngest lady is 66 and the oldest lady is 91. we get together every wednesday and have an old fashioned quilting bee.

right after joining the group i was asked by a lovely young woman if i could make her a quilt. i of course said yes. she had just lost her 5 month old baby girl and couldn't part with any of her clothes but knew she couldn't hang on to all these clothes. her first thought was could a quilt be made out of them. after looking at what she had i decided we could make a heirloom quilt from the baby's cotton dresses but she still had a whole lot of onesies and such and she really wanted something she could hang on to and cry on and sleep with and just have with her at all times. My quilting friend Linda made the heirloom quilt and i made the other two.

this is mom's rag quilt. i took 5" by 5" squares from the baby's onesies and you turn the seams outward to create a rag effect.

this is the heirloom quilt from all the cotton clothes

and then for the dad i made a t-shirt quilt from all the little onesies he had bought.

encouragement

2010-07-30T07:43:00.002-05:00

i am realizing that encouragement is a very delicate thing. most people encourage you with what they think you should do in a given situation. in reality you must do what God wants you to do. and to do that and encourage that may not sound like encouragment at all. sometimes the best encouragement you can give is silent and the best love is without guilt.

and then began to beat again

2010-05-03T18:57:00.002-05:00

this is a most special day to me.

today is my 8 year wedding anniversary.

when mark and i prayed about what day we would wed i felt God whisper in my heart "you always felt your life ended on may 2nd so your new life will begin on may 3rd."

such a sweet God to think of everything, even the perfect day to get married.

the day my heart stopped

2010-05-02T19:27:00.002-05:00

today is the day 21 years ago that my heart stopped. it took quite a few years for it to start beating again. but it did and i'm glad. i wouldn't trade my life now for anything, but sometimes i wonder. what would my life have been like if my first husband had lived.

how many children would we have had?

what kind of life would we be living?

would we even still be married? next year would be our 25th wedding anniversary.

so many questions.

the fact remains that he did not survive, he went to meet Jesus on may 2, 1989 and be with our 2 babies in heaven.

i believe you can't live through something like this and not have it change you forever. the choice is always how will it change you, for better or worse. i believe i have been changed for the good. death made me hard at first, like a protective shell, but as time went on the shell grew soft and finally fell away.

but i still remember especially on this day.

i often wonder

2010-04-27T18:54:00.002-05:00

my boss from my very first adult job passed away a few weeks ago. as i was reading her obituary i was struck with something her son said. the obituary stated that his mom was a praying woman who led many people to the Lord, and was a light to many. wonderful words for his mom.

when i worked for this woman, which was about 23 years ago i was as close to not knowing the Lord as a person could get. during my 3 years of employment i never felt the love of Jesus as i know it today. i would have to be honest and say i only felt judgment, shame, and a feeling of never quite doing my job good enough. as a matter of fact when i left this job i purposed in my heart and mind that if being a christian meant being like her i didn't want anything to do with it.

so what happened? was it me? was my heart so hard that not even this praying church woman could see any good in me?

i'm not sure what the answers are but it has made me realize...am i as guilty as her?

how many people have i treated shamefully or ignored?

how many people have i stepped across or pushed aside to get to where i am without so much as a second glance?

how many people have decided they don't want to be christian if they have to be like me?

Lord forgive me if this is true.

through my open window

2010-03-27T08:45:00.003-05:00

due to the remodeling going on at my house. i have had to move my computer into my dining room which is now my living room until my real living room is finished. the only logical place to put the computer was in front of the windows looking out to the street in front of my house. from this vantage point i am able to observe my neighborhood. i have to tell you my neighborhood is quite a happening place.

as i type this my neighbor to the left of me is pulling weeds in her side yard. when i work in my yard i prefer the kneel and pull method of weed removal. but my neighbor is currently in the bend and pull position with her rump pointed toward the street. ladies this is not a flattering position especially as we get older.

my across the street neighbor man to the left has just backed a rather large flatbed trailer into his back yard, which is protected by a privacy fence. what he has back there i do not know but i have my suspicions. i know there is a hot tub back there. before he put the privacy fence around the whole yard he just had one in the corner of the yard around his hot tub. on a regular basis you could see him and his wife trot out in their bathrobes and disappear behind the fence. we could let our imaginations run wild but i think we should move along and let them enjoy their privacy.

across the street and to the right we have my neighbor lady enjoying her first cigarette of the day....and her first hacking my lungs out coughing fit. now that their children have grown up and moved out they are a very quiet couple. about the only excitement they get into is when she decides its time to clean out the garage and they pull everything out into the yard. they then look at it for a few hours and then put it all back. this happens about twice a year. of course when they do this everybody driving by stops and asks if they are having a garage sale.

last but not least we have my neighbor lady to the right. she is the neighborhood nudist. she is in her 70's and likes to check the mail in her bra and panties. its quite a sight...let me tell you. the children have learned to not let their eyes stray into her yard for fear of what they might see. once again ladies as we get older certain positions are just not recommended. thankfully she stays indoors most of the time.

we have come to the end of my neighborhood tour. i poke fun but i have to admit i like my little corner of the world and all my neighbors are good hard-working people. we have our little eccentricities but then who doesn't. so if you will excuse me i have a large chicken wire sculpture of the easter bunny i need to finish.

so long since my last post

2010-03-17T20:00:00.002-05:00

i know its been 6 months since my last post.

how sad is that

its been so long that i actually forgot my userid and password.

after much prayer and prompting from blogger i remembered what it was and was able to sign on.

whew!

so after living in this house for 17 years, we are finally finally finally getting the living room and kitchen finished. i started seriously updating my house 10 years ago and now i'm finally getting the last 2 rooms finished. when i started this i seriously didn't think it would take me 10 years but it has and i'll be glad to be done. of course if you own a home then you know that its never really done. as soon as i figure out how to upload the pictures from my camera i will post them.

ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-08-30T19:36:00.002-05:00

this is how my life feels right now.

so many changes happening so fast.

some of them i knew where coming and some i had no clue.

colleen is now driving and working. i knew this day was coming but nothing has prepared me for how it would make me feel. my prayer life has deepened and i fight the desire to dip her in annointing oil everytime she walks out the door.

mark's boss closed the doors on both shops about a month ago. really Lord did we not just go through this last year? why now, why us, why why why???

all i know is my children will grow up and leave home, jobs will come and go, friends may move away but they are always near and God will forever hold me in His unchanging hands.

hockey pics

2009-07-27T19:16:00.005-05:00

jonathan

cliff

mark

almost mother-in-law

2009-07-25T19:49:00.002-05:00

i was happily surprized this evening by my almost mother in law dropping off a box of fresh baked brownies. she was on her way home and thought of me and all my children and knew we would enjoy them. how sweet was that?!? if you are asking yourself why would i call her my almost mother in law. well because she is not mark's mom she is mark's ex-wife's mom.

I have always been especially blessed with people who truly love me.

people who don't have to love me but choose to love me.

seven years ago when i married mark i not only was welcomed into his family but i was also welcomed into his ex-wife's family.

i know this sounds strange but as a child of divorce my mother set the example that even though divorce can separate a family you can make the choice to rise above and love the ones that God has placed into your life.

so when mark and i married i went out of my way to always rise above and treat his ex-wife's family as if they where my own. this has not always been easy but it has always been worth it. we all love jonathan and none of us ever want him to feel he has to take sides. so if the adults get along then he is never stuck in the middle.

so thank you wilma for the wonderful brownies and the wonderful love.

summer project #2 - paint

2009-07-18T15:47:00.005-05:00

for quite some time i have had the idea in my head to switch the kids bedrooms. the girls were cramped into a very small room and could really use more space. the boys don't need so much space since we just have jonathan part-time. so since i am taking the summer off from college i decided i better get it done before i ran out of time and want-to.

The girls bedroom is yellow.....this would never do for the boys.

This is colleens little corner....or should i say her little rat nest.

i found all kinds of surprises when we moved the bed.

so the week before camp the children sorted and boxed up their rooms.

finally most everything is off the walls and the furniture has been moved out.

it took me all day monday to move everything out and clean so that we could start painting. this is the pile of trash i swept up after moving the beds. i promise you they do clean their rooms but when you have packrat children sometimes the best thing to do is move everything out so that you can clean it really good.

when i got home from bible study on tuesday night my wonderful 6'5" husband was in the process of cutting in all the corners so that when i got off work on wednesday mexa and i could finish the painting.

finished painting!

it took us all night thursday to get all the furniture and boxes moved over. when the kids got home from camp on friday they moved back in.

once the girls new furniture and bedding get here i will post pictures of both the new bedrooms.

sweet sixteen

2009-07-08T21:41:00.008-05:00

Happy Sweet Sixteen Sweetheart!!

We have had a year of glamour

and drama!

friends

friends

and more friends

blue hair

pink hair

and back again

photo ops

attitude

and peace

I can't imagine my life without you

you are growing into a remarkable young lady

whose heart is to serve the Lord
I thank God for you everyday

summer project #1 - read a book for fun

2009-06-29T18:51:00.002-05:00

for my first summer project i decided to read a book for fun. it was nice to read a book i wanted to read and not one i had to read for school. of course i am a bit of an over achiever. my one book turned into seven. it all started innocently enough. i will never learn that once i start the 1st book in a series i will not be satisfied until i've read them all. for this very reason i tend to not start a series until the whole series is written. i am a really fast reader and once i start reading i don't want to stop until i'm done and nothing is worse to me than the anticipation of waiting for the next book to come out. especially when it takes years for the next book to come out. this is the case in the earth childrens series. i'm still waiting for the last book of the 6 part series and the author has yet to write it. to be honest i have been waiting 20+ years for this series to conclude. i read the first 2 books when i was 12 which was a long, long, long time ago. they where already out in paperback when i read them. just for fun i googled them and the first book was originally published in 1980. and here it is 2009 and we are still waiting for the last book. almost 30 years. how sad.

Big news

2009-06-28T16:15:00.002-05:00

The boys just returned from their yearly roller hockey national tournament. The boys did very good. Jonathan's team took gold in the silver mens division and Cliff's team took gold in the freshman division. Mark played in the bronze mens division. His team didn't do so good. Jonathan also tried out and made the USA Jr. World Team. Which means he will be traveling to Italy in September to compete at the international tournament. We are so very proud. i'm sorry i don't have any pictures. my camera got dropped at the tournament last year and i just haven't gotten around to replacing it. there was a professional photo guy at the tournament so as soon as i get some pictures i will post them.

well guys this is all i have for today. there are big doings going on at the watson house this summer. i am taking the summer off from college and have lots of big and little projects going on. so of course there will be more time for postings. as soon as colleen gets home on wednesday with her camera i will post pictures of the project i am working on now. until then it will be my little secret.

texting - june 24, 2009

2009-06-25T19:31:00.002-05:00

colleen is on vacation with a friend and her family and this is one of our many text conversations.

colleen 10:02pm - 20 dollars is going to king leonitus :)

me - who is king leonitus?

colleen 10:03pm - my hermit crab

me - i thought it was gonna be sir walter raleigh

colleen 10:06pm - i like king leonitus better it makes him look stronger and i can randomly yell sparta! for him :) cause he is named for their leader :)

me - ok ru sure its not 2 big of a name 4 him?

colleen - what are you trying to say. do you not have faith in my beloved crab? do you doubt his fury :)

me - its a hermit crab not a pitbull

colleen 10:15pm - thats what she said:) kidding. no don't underestimate it. he's part fire dragon ninja. i bought him a net for his cage and i got you another present :)

me - does a crab really have fury?

colleen 10:15pm - not all crabs but this one is like nemo he's special :)

me - k

colleen 10:16pm - don't say k. say i'm amazed at his beauty and grace : )

me - i am amazed @ his beautiful crabbiness.

colleen 10:19pm - :) yes :) that's the spirit :) do you laugh at my logic :)

me - yes i laugh

thanks

2009-03-04T17:09:00.001-06:00

thanks for praying.

mark is home and resting.

pray for mark

2009-03-04T09:58:00.002-06:00

my husband is having cataract surgery today on his right eye.
all your prayers at noon would mean so much to me.
even though i'm on break i will blog later to let you know how it went.
somehow a laser so close to his one good eye scares me.
his left eye is lazy so the right eye does most of the work.

taking a break

2009-02-20T18:12:00.003-06:00

duh....since i haven't blogged in over a month. i'm just not finding the time to keep up with the blog so i will be taking a break. i might be back and i might not. i haven't decide yet.

she will be sorely missed

2009-01-08T18:16:00.003-06:00

this was the last line of an obituary for my friend Sharon. this was the most fitting last line i think i have ever read. to say Sharon was a delightful person would be stretching it a bit.
she was who she was and thats all she ever wanted to be. she was to the point and if that hurt your feelings then oh well you would just have to get over it. once she decided you were ok then nothing could convince her otherwise and heaven help you if she didn't like you. i had the pleasure of working beside this women for the last 3 years and i am a better person because of it.

Sharon you will be sorely missed by all those who knew and loved you.

the adventure begins

2009-01-03T09:54:00.002-06:00

Picture yourself in an ancient European city-Florence perhaps or Madrid. You find yourself at dusk, wandering through the older parts of town. Narrow streets are lined with dimly lit shops-pawnbrokers, no doubt, alongside various dealers in antiquities, booksellers, curious haunts harboring mysteries from far-off lands. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of a wish to avoid the jostling crowds, you turn into a musty parlor. As your eyes adjust to the twilight inside, you discover aisles crammed with Babylonian trinkets, Persian rugs, suits of armor, Colombian pottery. You browse indifferently among everything old and intriguing.

Then, something catches your eye. Sitting in a pile of forgotten silver urns and incense burners, it might have escaped your notice altogether. But it seemed to call to you, whisper your name. In fact, it is already in your hands. This is ridiculous, you think. You turn the lamp over and over most carefully, looking for . . . you're not quite sure what. Obviously it is from the Middle East, Arabia most likely. What am I thinking? These things happen only in fairy tales.

Something you read long ago-was it in Chesterton?-crosses your mind. "An adventure is, by its nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose." He's right about that, you admit. Alice wasn't looking for Wonderland when she fell through the looking glass. Come to think of it, the four children just stumbled into Narnia through the back of the wardrobe. Anodos simply woke to find fairyland had taken over his bedroom.

But another voice rises within you, urging caution. You've got places to go, for heaven's sake. Don't let yourself get carried away. The voice is full of common sense, of course. But the voice also seems old and tired. From how many adventures has it swayed you in your life? How many dreams left in the closet? "Closing time," calls the curator of the shop. He begins to blow out the lamps. Your heart is racing. Somewhere back in your mind you hear the voice urging you on to your duties.

But it is too late. You've already rubbed the lamp.

(The Sacred Romance Workbook & Journal, v-vi)

picture tag

2008-12-18T08:06:00.003-06:00

The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3) Explain the picture.
4) Tag 4 people to do the same and NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!).
So here is mine.

this is freddie's friend becca. they were goofing off after the prom last year.
on a sidenote this young lady has been coming to church on wednesdays with freddie and is a super sweety.

i tag just jinny and anyone else who wants to do it.

when i'm sad....

2008-12-18T07:47:00.002-06:00

i listen to elvis or patsy cline. the past few days have been very much elvis days. i've pushed it down for months but now its time to grieve. i am thankful that my friend is not dead as someone so graciously pointed out to me. but when you've spent just about everyday for the past 13 years with someone its very hard to say goodbye. so right now i can't look on the bright side i can only be sad and listen to elvis.

moe in tights

2008-12-12T22:41:00.004-06:00

tonight we got to watch moe at his schools madrical dinner. whats a madrical dinner, you ask? it is his choir's christmas performance where they dress up in renaissance costume and sing and dance. its pretty fun. especially the part where 2 young men carry in the boars head and they all sing the boars dead song. no lie they sing a song about a dead boar. i'm just thankful we don't have to eat boar. they serve us chicken and wassail.

lord moe at the banquet table with his chalice of wassail

moe in tights

the difference between girls and boys

2008-12-11T21:47:00.002-06:00

we went out to eat the other night and this is what we brought home. colleen was upset because she wasn't quite done decorating her take-home box. cliff added the squiggle as an after thought.

christmastime is here

2008-11-29T21:56:00.005-06:00

i love christmas and i especially love christmas music.

thanksgiving memories

2008-11-26T19:47:00.003-06:00

my whole life i have watched and been a willing and sometimes unwilling participant in cooking the thanksgiving feast. my mom and grandmothers would start weeks in advance planning and preparing. the night before thanksgiving was always a flurry of cornbread stuffing and apple peelings. my mom dubbed me the official stuffing sniffer. it was my job to make sure she had just the right amount of sage in the stuffing. it was also my job to peel hundreds of apples. for the hundreds of apple pies and apple cakes she would bake. we would never eat them all because she gave most of them away. to teachers and coworkers and the mailman. thats what we did back in the day. why give your friends a store bought gift when you could give something homebaked. so between thanksgiving and christmas we made lots of baked goods. fudge and peanut brittle and cookies and cakes and pies. lots and lots of pies. we would always tease my oldest brother because his favorite pie was raisin. have you ever seen a raisin pie? its not a pretty sight.

my best thanksgiving memory was when i was about 8 and my mom was carving the turkey and the knife slipped and cut her hand. she started crying and before anyone could blink my grandfather gathered her up into his lap and rocked her and told her it would be ok. i will always hold that memory in my heart as extra-special. i realized then that my mom was my grandfathers little girl and even though she was a grown women she still needed her dad to make everything better. don't we all just want our dads to make things better. for some of us it will never be our earthly dads but we do have a Heavenly Father who is always faithful and always ready to rock us when we need it.

coins for groceries

2008-11-01T20:32:00.003-05:00

about twice a year i haul my husbands change bucket (a 3 pound coffee can) to the grocery store. i throw the change into the coinstar machine and a little receipt pops out. i then buy groceries with my change. i really don't know why this little activity makes me so happy, but its like free money. yes i do know that it really isn't free money, but it feels that way. i don't even mind paying the fee to have the machine count it for me.

how much did my husband have in his can?

the grand total today was $120. wooo hooo!!!

kitten season

2008-10-30T20:06:00.002-05:00

ok the neighbors cat had kittens so if there is anybody out there who wants a cute little kitten please let me know. or my husband is going to load them up and take them to the animal shelter. i hate the thought of doing that but we can't adopt 5 kittens and the neighbor will just let them run wild all over the neighborhood without shots or neutering. we are going to keep one which brings our cat count up to 3 and 3 is our limit. so there are 4 very cute lovable kittens needing good homes. so please please please someone adopt a kitten.

my man

2008-10-29T19:40:00.002-05:00

....just came wandering in with his little white sack from the dentist.

he looks just like a little boy with bad news.

3 cavities and a wisdom tooth that needs to come out. ouch!

thank you God we have dental insurance.

safe for now

2008-10-29T19:08:00.002-05:00

it appears my job is safe for now. of course i could go in tomorrow and it could all change, but for today i still have a job.

all day i have been thinking what a year this has been. about this time last year was when all the layoffs started and i have to say the hardest part has not been the thought of losing my job it has been the not knowing if i will lose my job.

the waiting...the wondering...the worrying.

yes i am a worrier. i try not to be and i have gotten better, but the fact remains.

i worry.

not about alot of stuff but the unknown is right up there among my big time worries.

so alot of time has been spent this year seeking God and asking Him to help me not worry. asking Him to plan my steps. He has truly been good to us and for that i am thankful.

we find our tears

2008-10-26T19:14:00.002-05:00

Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to "keep it together." So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. "I'm gonna harden my heart," sang Rindy Ross. "I'm going to swallow my tears." A terrible, costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It's an understandable fear - but it is no more true than the fear we had of the dark as children. Grief, dear sisters, is good. Grief helps to heal our hearts. Why, Jesus himself was a "man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." (Isa. 53:3)

Let the tears come. Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will - many things. Anger. That's okay. Anger's not a sin (Eph. 4:26). Remorse. Of course you do. Fear. Yes, that makes sense. Jesus can handle the fear as well. In fact, there is no emotion you can bring up that Jesus can't handle. (Look at the Psalms - they are a raging sea of emotions).

Let it all out.

As Augustine wrote in his Confessions, "The tears . . . streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested." Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there - the tears of a little girl who is lost and frightened. The tears of a teenage girl who's been rejected and has no place to turn. No one understands. The tears of a woman whose life has been hard and lonely and nothing close to her dreams.

Let them come.

(Captivating,101-102)

that last sentence really got me. my life has had its times of "being hard and lonely and nothing close to my dreams." its nice to know God has my back and with Him i can let down my guard and just let it all out.

get up

2008-10-20T19:58:00.003-05:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "YOU'RE HOT" YOU SAY?
Jesus is alright

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
make me over

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
smells like teen spirit - how funny is that

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Lord (i don't know)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
the fad of the land

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
pure

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
one and lonely

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR EX?
shine

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON WHO LIKES YOU?
hero

WHAT DOES YOUR BEST FRIEND ALWAYS SAY TO YOU?
let it all come out

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
not done yet

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
You led me

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
clothes

WHAT WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?
in the belly of the whale

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
secret kingdom

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
thank you

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HOUSE?
in wonder

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
get up

offer your heart

2008-10-18T09:20:00.002-05:00

was reading this this morning and just wanted to share

Now for one of the most beautiful mysteries of the feminine heart.

Women minister something to the heart of God that men do not. Look at the record. It was a woman who rushed into the Pharisee's house uninvited and washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair and kissed them in an act of intimate repentant worship. It was a woman who broke the alabaster vase over Jesus' head, anointing him with oil and the fragrance of her sacrificial worship filled the room. It was women who followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. It was women who stayed at the foot of the cross offering him the comfort of their presence until Jesus breathed his last. It was to women that Jesus first revealed himself after he rose from the dead and it was women who first "clasped his feet and worshiped him" as the Risen, Victorious Lord.

Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry. You can minister to the heart of God. You impact Him. You matter. Jesus desires you to pour out your love on him in extravagant worship that ministers to his heart. This is not just for women who have the time; women who are really spiritual. You are made for romance and the only one who can offer it to you consistently and deeply is Jesus.

Offer your heart to him.

(Captivating, 124-125)

my femininity...

2008-10-05T19:51:00.003-05:00

where did i leave it?

i spent some girlfriend time this weekend. just hanging out and getting our toes and nails done and shopping and laughing and eating dessert. just general having fun and as we where shopping we were in a girly store and i liked alot of what i saw but i was having trouble loving any of it. it was as if i was so far removed from the feminine side of myself. there was a time that i loved jewelry and girly stuff. Could life happening have shifted my priorities that i don't even feel like a woman anymore. i must admit i have gotten a little lazy. but i want to feel pretty and look pretty and take care of myself. so whats wrong with me? where is my girlness? why do i do for everyone else and put myself last? i don't have any answers just lots of questions.

how funny is this

2008-10-02T19:49:00.002-05:00

i have been steadily working on 2 more college classes, american history and accounting. i knocked out history first and have been chipping away at the accounting class when i discovered today that my textbook only goes up to chapter 12 and i need chapters 13 thru 15 to finish the course. so after a quick call to the school they determined they had sent me the wrong edition. so they are shipping me the right book.

have i mentioned squirt has a boyfriend. they are not allowed to date but they eat lunch together everyday and talk constantly on the phone. have i mentioned i'm not ready for this. we have met him and his parents and they are very nice people other than the fact that their 6'2" football playing son likes my baby.

mental health day and a half

2008-09-29T20:59:00.002-05:00

got to work today and quickly decided i just didn't want to be there. so i stuck it out about 4 hours and then decided to take some personal time. i got home and immediately crawled back into bed and slept for 2 hours. it was wonderful. its amazing how a good nap can make you so happy.

for those that haven't heard mark started his new job last friday. i was never afraid that he wouldn't find a job we just didn't want him to go back on the road. so God found him a job where he is in town and using his 20+ years of experience running a shop instead of busting his knuckles out in the field. Thank you Jesus.

it is amazing to me how much my kids love gradespeed. if you don't know this is a website where you can pull up your kids grades. they love to see where they are and what they need to work on. moe is currently a straight A student and is so proud of himself. freddie is pushing the envelope as always. she likes to sit on the line between failing and passing. she is gonna be very sad if we have to take her car away to prove a point. squirt is doing great. she got off on the wrong foot in geometry but has quickly recovered. her teacher grades their homework on whether they finish it and not on if they actually do the work correctly so for the first 3 weeks she thought she understood everything and was quite surprised to get a 63 on her progress report. she cried. but has brought that 63 up to a passing grade.

we got the word last thursday that the union was unsuccessful in saving the 79 jobs slated for elimination. so now the bumping process begins. i haven't heard anything yet but should by the end of the month. we'll just see how it goes. God has a plan and i just have to hang on and see what it is. at this point i'm so frustrated with my job and the whole all of it i don't even want to work there anymore. but once again i am thankful for the job i have and can't forget what a blessing it was when i first started there and could stop working retail. not that i didn't love retail i just didn't love the schedule or the pay. nights and weekends and low pay are hard on single mommas.

no news

2008-09-20T16:10:00.002-05:00

for those of ya'll waiting for news i have none. mark is still waiting to hear on the job interview he had this week and other than that not much is going on. Thanks to everyone who is praying for us and believe me i will let ya'll know just as soon as we hear anything. he's doing his best to stay busy but its been hard. i can't complain he's been doing dishes and laundry and he even scrubbed the kitchen floor the other day but this is not the productive work he needs. he needs a job. he could have picked up the phone 2 weeks ago and had a job instantly but it would mean a major family sacrifice and we are not willing to walk down that road again. so here we sit waiting on the Lord. i don't remember praying for patience but then God knows what we need. from the very beginning i have felt this would be a "walking out your faith time" for us and i have a peace that He is in control and the right job will be there at just the right time. i must admit i have enjoyed having my husband home more.

in the waiting

2008-09-12T20:54:00.002-05:00

as always music speaks to me and for me

Pain
The gift nobody longs for, still it comes
And somehow leaves us stronger
When it's gone away

Pray
I try and pray for Your will to be done
But I confess it's never fast enough for me

It seems
the hardest part is waiting on You
When what I really want
Is just to see Your hand move

I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting

Time
Time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else but You can see

Free
Freedom from the fears that close me in
When I can't get beyond where I have been, but then

Again
The silence doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I am still Your own

I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting

no words

2008-09-12T18:29:00.002-05:00

i have been running this blog over and over in my head and i just don't have the right words to express what i'm feeling right now.

shock, surprise, disbelief

my husband was fired from his job on tuesday.

no warning, no reason, just we are gonna let you go.

why?

this is what i keep asking myself, why?

needless to say we are in a state of shock. my husband is not perfect and has never claimed to be but this was so totally out of the blue. so we are trusting God that he has something better planned and that He will show us what to do next. so just pray for us. thats all we know to do.

follower

2008-09-12T18:26:00.002-05:00

i logged in and what did i spy with my little eye.

i have a follower.

i feel so special.

thanks ree

i'll try not to disappoint you.

healing

2008-09-07T13:52:00.002-05:00

i am so glad that i went to church this morning. it was one of those days that i would have gladly stayed home and slept but i learned a long time ago that when i feel this way i MUST go to church. pastor's message on healing was awesome and it reminded me of my own healing story.

13 years ago about a month after i accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior i was sitting in church all bright and shiny because i was finally clean after so many years of living with my sin. i had walked into church that morning with a sore throat. now you are probably thinking so what everyone gets a sore throat from time to time. well this was no ordinary sore throat, you see i had spent the previous winter with a non-stop sore throat and when i finally broke down and went to see the doctor he told me the only way i was gonna get rid of the sore throat was to have my tonsils out. they apparently were very pitted from past infections and the only solution was to have them removed. well at this time i was a single mom and there was no way i could afford to have this surgery so when the pain went away so did any thought of me having my tonsils removed. well here it was months later and the sore throat was back and i knew this meant surgery that i still couldn't afford. well God knew better. this was no ordinary sunday service i don't even remember if there was any preaching. so i'm sitting there and the Holy Spirit starts to move and this little methodist girl who has been told all her life that pentacostal people are freaks and that if i ever went to a holy roller church i was just one step away from hell was scared to death. of course the people i was sitting with had me pinned in and i couldn't run screaming from the church i just sat and watched and let me tell you this was no calm move. there were people running and shouting and laughing and crying and dancing and big gulp speaking in tongues. the lady that i had come with was dancing so hard her shoe flew off and by the end of service she was laying under a pew with no memory as to how she got there. so you can just picture me sitting there looking at all this and just thinking in my mind "freaks they're all freaks" and then my next thought is "this can't be real". so in my innocent baby christian mind i asked God to prove to me that the Holy Spirit was real and if its really real He will heal my throat. i don't know what i was expecting lighting bolts, angels singing the hallelujah chorus, a bright shaft of light coming straight down from heaven but none of that happened. i prayed my prayer and swallowed hard and begged God to prove Himself to me. i didn't realize at the time how much i needed Him to just be everything i needed Him to be, everything that everyone was telling me He could be and everything that His word said He would be. needless to say i walked out of the church that sunday with a completely healed throat. i still have my tonsils and i have only had 1 sore throat in the last 13 years. i know this is a pretty old story but i have always been told that if its God it will stand the test of time. this is only the first of many healings God has performed on my heart and body and mind over the last 13 years and i'm sure it won't be the last.

so this is my question to you is there something God wants to heal you from but you won't let Him or your too afraid to allow Him. take my advice don't wait, stop running and let God do what He wants to do with your life. you'll be glad you did.

cool website

2008-09-03T20:13:00.004-05:00

now that i'm going to college i have all these college books that i don't know what to do with. well i found this really cool website. they don't just buy textbooks they buy regular books too. i have sold them 3 books and they are sending me a check for $60. i know i might get more money through ebay but this website is so super easy to use and they pay for all the shipping costs. so if you have any old books lying around that you want to get rid of go on and check it out.

congratulations papa

2008-08-31T20:19:00.003-05:00

Friday we traveled to the big SA to honor my father-in-law at his retirement. i have never been to a retirement ceremony so it was pretty cool. He was retiring for the second time. he retired from the military after 24 years in January 1986 and then he retired from the civil service on August 29, 2008 for a grand total of 46 years of military/civilian service. it was pretty neat to listen to everyone tell stories and honor a man who has given so much of his life to the service of our country. of course the family joke is he will take about 3 months off to pacify his wife and then he will find another job. he was already talking to some people about some consulting work. if you know my husband then you know the work ethic that runs through the watson men and it is just not in his nature to fully retire. so here is to you papa and your new career whatever it may be.

wierd conversations

2008-08-29T19:39:00.003-05:00

warning this blog contains my wierd and dark sense of humor

~~~~you've been warned~~~~

i have decided my husband and i have the strangest conversations. today we discussed that if he dies before me i am going to bury him in the plot beside my first husband since its already paid for and i would hate to waste it. i could even change the markers to read #1 and #2. mark doesn't have a problem with this. he actually stated that i could just throw him in a hole in the backyard. but of course i told him that i get to die first. and that i want to be cremated and i want him to put me in a very pretty urn so that i would be with him always. but since i'm dead he could do whatever he wants because i won't care because i'm dead.

is this too wierd?

do other people talk about this stuff?

i'm sure if you do you do it with more reverence

see i told you i was weird.

i'm not ready for this

2008-08-27T18:36:00.002-05:00

squirt likes a boy and he likes her back.

i am soooooo not ready for this.

we are just "liking" right now because she is not allowed to date until she is 21. just joking.

but i am sooooo not ready for this.

she says he is a nice boy and goes to church and runs cross country and wants to hold her hand.

where did my baby go and why does she want to like a smelly ol' boy anyways. 2 days of public school and this is what happens. i'm not naive i knew this would happen eventually but i just wasn't prepared for it to happen right now.

ponderings

2008-08-23T10:32:00.002-05:00

i'm in a thoughtful mood this morning so beware i don't know what direction this blog will go or where it will end. remember you've been warned.

my work was in the news again this week. more layoffs. this brings the total up to 76 plus 8 that were not announced to the news media. so we are looking at 84 people that will be losing their jobs. oh and i almost forgot my office is offering voluntary packages to 6 people. these 6 will not be forced so i will not include them in my total head count. these 84 people have many options. one of those options is to bump me out of my job. since i am 44 from the bottom there is a very good chance by christmas i will be out the door. which causes me to consider my options. will i be sad if i lose my job. not really. i like what i do but i no longer believe in the company i work for. over the last few years. well to be honest since gte was "bought out" by bell atlantic and renamed verizon (they told everyone it was a merger but lets be honest it was a buy out) the company has lost something. they used to care about its people and about the quality of work. now it has become very apparent that all they care about is the bottom line. i'm not just talking about the layoffs there are other areas that for privacy reasons i can't talk about but the whole direction of the company is different. it has become a company i don't want to work for, a company that i no longer believe in, a company that i no longer have pride in and that makes me sad. i spend 40 hours a week at my job and i want my time and energy to count for something. i want to make a difference. i know i can still have pride and make a difference and this is my goal everyday to do the best and go the extra mile for every account i touch. every phone number is not just a number its a real person who deserves to be treated with respect and integrity. but they make it so hard, if you've never been in this situation its hard for me to describe the atmosphere in my office. everyone is just waiting for the announcement that they are closing our office and moving it to the east coast (bell atlantic territority). morale is very low and its so hard to not let it affect you. so this leads me to ask myself "why stay". believe me i ask myself this question several times a day. so why should i stay. i keep coming back to a free college education, good pay, and benefits. this is the only thing that keeps me there. if i hang on till december i will have 24 college hours and be completely debt free except for our house payment. if i can hang on for 6 months longer (summer 2009) i will have our house paid off and 36 college hours. this will enable us to live comfortably on marks salary until i figure out what i want to do with my life.

this is the next pondering moment.

what do i want to do with the rest of my life?

i don't know. i've always just worked at whatever job i found myself in. i have never had the luxury of really sitting back and thinking about what i truly want to do with my life. other than the obvious job of raising my kids. i ask myself the question "if i could do anything what would it be" and i answer back "i don't know". i am rather envious of those people who just know what they want and go for it without hesitation or a second thought. this has never been me. i know what my likes and dislikes are and what my strengths and weaknesses are so i will just pray that over the next months God will show me what i'm suppose to do when i grow up. until then i will keep my eye focused on God and do this job for His glory because that's what He has called me to do and i never want to forget His will is way more important than mine.

don't cry shopgirl don't cry

2008-08-09T16:37:00.002-05:00

i just finished watching/napping through one of my favorite movies. You've got mail. i love this movie and i love meg ryan and tom hanks. they are just one of those perfect movie couples. as the credits were rolling at the end i realized they had 4 stunt people. why? i don't remember any stunts in this movie. i just might have to watch it again to try and figure out just where they snuck in the stunts. weird.

i woke up very crabby today. i'm not sure why. i took a nap so now i feel much better. i guess my mom was right. go figure.

i realized the other day that i think in questions. how did i realize this? i was thumbing through some old sermon notes and the whole page was question after question and the funny part is as i read through the questions it brought the sermon back to my mind. strange.

colored jeans are so eighties

2008-08-07T19:06:00.003-05:00

this is what the girls just told me. of course i had to follow that remark up with the fact that i had just about every color of jean they made in the eighties. and all my socks matched my shirts. and yes i pinch pleated the bottom of my pants so that you could see my matching socks. so there and i had big permed hair and lots of black eyeliner. we were so cool in the eighties.

feeling better

2008-08-07T18:42:00.002-05:00

a little bit...for those of ya'll who haven't heard monique is moving away to kentucky of all places. for those of ya'll who don't know monique is just about the best friend i've ever had. we have worked together, laughed together, cried together, and played together for the last 13 years. she is the person that knows way too much about me and still loves me. i know this is God's perfect will for them but it still hurts.

kinda sad

2008-08-04T21:23:00.003-05:00

feeling kinda sad tonight and i really can't talk about it or i will start crying so hard that i'm afraid i will never stop. so i've added a few songs that will express my mood.

afterthought

2008-08-01T06:53:00.002-05:00

a large bottle of light italian dressing is not a good weapon of choice when you encounter a large bug in the pantry.....nuff said.

can of consequences

2008-08-01T06:30:00.002-05:00

as a mom of teenagers i have learned to be creative with my discipline. i was crying out to God the other morning because my peaceful home is about to be not so peaceful. and by peaceful i mean no bickering and fighting teenagers. you see moe has been gone most of the summer, and freddie has been working and squirt has been the social butterfly. so with everyone doing their own thing they haven't been able to bicker and fight. well last weekend they weren't home one hour before it all started up again. luckily for me squirt went to stay the week with kimmie and moe went to to stay the week with his mom. but that one day of everyone home together gave me a little taste of what hell my life will be if we don't get a handle on the bickering, fighting, and hurtful words being thrown at each other. so as i was crying out to Jesus, He gave me a wonderful idea. i'm calling it the can of consequences. it is an actual can full of little slips of paper covered with lots of fun things for the children to do when they say hurtful words. a few examples are wash the dishes, scrub the toilet, laundry, trash etc. it also has thoughtful consequences like say 5 nice things about the person you're mad at, do 1 nice thing for the person you're mad at, write a letter explaining why you're mad, hug the person you're mad at in the middle of the street. ok that last one might be stretching it but you get the picture. i don't know if it will work but at this point it can't make things worse and it may help them to realize that bickering and fighting is not the answer and a kind word turns away wrath. i'll keep ya'll posted on their progress.

pure evil

2008-08-01T06:11:00.004-05:00

as i was leaving work yesterday there was a man riding his bicycle and talking on a cell phone. the unusual thing was that he was doing all this while riding/driving down the center of the street. so me being a thoughtful conscientious person slowed down behind him so that he could become aware of my presence and move to the side of the street. well that was what i thought would happen. instead he startled when he realized there was a vehicle behind him and ran his bicycle into the curb and then fell over into the grass. so what do you think i did at this point.

did i stop and render aid?

did i say a prayer for his safety?

no i giggled. all the way home.

it wasn't a mean i hope he hurt himself laugh.

or even a that should teach him to ride a bike and talk on his cellphone laugh.

no it was a that would be so me laugh.

i'm the one who doesn't watch where i'm going and runs into things person. just ask monique. she watched one day as i ran my cart into a pole at sams because i was looking down an aisle for something. did she try to stop me. no. she just watched to see if i would actually run into it and i did. and then she laughed. and then i laughed at my own carelessness. so there you have it documented proof of my evilness. i laugh when people fall down. i just can't help it sometimes. i don't know why its funny...it just is.

my week in review

2008-07-27T16:38:00.002-05:00

with all the children out of the house for camp last week i did mountains of homework. i will never, ever, ever do 2 classes at one time unless i no longer have children at home. its too hard juggling my schedule and their schedules without driving myself and them crazy and then stressing out about when am i gonna do homework and i only have 2 weeks to finish this class and 4 weeks to finish the other class. so i finished my biology class on tuesday with a 93. this was the most awesomely hard class so far but its the one i've enjoyed the most. go figure. so when i have to do mountains of homework i just don't have the words or the time or the energy to blog. a big sorry to my faithful readers.

we were able to buy freddie a good, used, low mileage car. she was so excited when we gave it to her on friday night. she just kept walking around telling everyone she had a car, she even thanked Jesus when we prayed over our meal. how sweet is that. and let me tell you i'm already loving the fact that she has a car. she is so eager to run any kind of errand for me. she took moe over to his friends house today and is gonna pick him up tomorrow and take him to his mom's so he can spend the week with her. did i forget to mention. we got moe back friday night. my brother dropped him off at camp on monday and he rode back with the church group on friday. so now he is eagerly waiting for his paycheck so he can spend some money. we are gonna give him some to blow and the rest will go into his savings account. he was a little upset with me because i won't let him buy a laptop but that is a whole nuther story. after i explained why he shouldn't get a laptop he was a little better. i just don't think its wise for a 13 year old boy to have unlimited access to the internet. you can call me strict and thats ok cause i really don't care what anybody thinks. God has given me these children and there is enough bad stuff out there that can't be avoided without adding to it in our homes. OK i'm coming down off my soapbox but nothing riles me up like exposing our children to filth whether it be tv, music, or the internet. so there.

training up

2008-07-19T17:33:00.005-05:00

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

i should be doing homework right now but i just had to take a few minutes to share my week. its been up and its been down. i got squirt all checked in for public school. she is so excited. she didn't realize that they have a 2 year program called ready set teach. she shared with me today that she has been praying and asking God to confirm to her if she is suppose to be a teacher. how cool is that. we pray and believe and pour our hearts into our children and then they go and exceed our expectations. it just blesses my heart that her heart is to do what God wants her to do. it just doesn't get any better than that.

as some of ya'll know from the news we are having another layoff at work. this time it is not directed at my office but because the people getting laid-off have so much seniority i could possibly be bumped out of my job. because we are a union shop they have what is called bumping rights. they have the right to bump down into a lower paying position which could possibly be me. of course there is alot more to it than this simple explanation but i could be looking at either a lower paying position and still doing the same work or leaving the company. we just have to wait and see how it shakes out. normally i am a worrier but i have a real peace about this. i truly have no control over the situation. we have looked at our finances and can do it on just one salary but things will be very tight. i would need to find a new job as quickly as possible. having no job is a very scary thing for me. i've always worked but i also know God has a plan and that plan maybe another job. i just have to trust in Him and allow Him to order my steps.

hard decision made

2008-07-13T00:05:00.002-05:00

well as some of ya'll know we have been praying about where squirt would go to school next year. we have been weighing all the pros and cons. she is currently enrolled in a christian private school. she started out in public schools and then during her 5th grade year we realized that she was falling through the cracks and needed a more structured environment. so we moved her to her current school. the last 4 years have been good but now we have decided that going back to public school will be whats best for her. whats cool about the whole thing is that it is her decision. we have talked and guided and prayed and would never allow her to place herself in a dangerous situation but it ultimately boils down to whats best for her and she needed to make the final decision. secretly i have wanted her to go back to public school for a variety of reasons but have been very careful not to sway her while still giving her my honest opinion. so after many conversations she has made up her mind.

baby shane

2008-07-12T08:14:00.004-05:00

a very busy week. tuesday morning i woke up to a very messy house and girls sprawled out sleeping everywhere. the slumber party was a success and there is even a youtube video out there with me on it. i promised my peeps i would share but i just don't have the time today so it will have to wait for a later blog. about 1pm on tuesday i get a call from my sister that it was time to take my oldest niece kay to the hospital so she can have her baby. so i wolfed down my lunch and dried my hair and off to the hospital we go. we got her all checked in about 1:45 and by 8:03 we have a beautiful baby shane. the delivery went well and he is just the most perfect baby. squirt was thrilled that he was born on her birthday.

this is shane about 1 hour after he was born with his little old man hat on.

a call to die

2008-07-08T09:08:00.003-05:00

I'm starting a new bible study. it looks really good or should i say really bad. good in a way because its exactly what i need right now and bad in a way because its exactly what i need right now. its a fairly short one as bible studies go, its only 40 days but i have a feeling its gonna be a roller coaster ride. highs, lows, twists and turns and just when you think you're safe the bottom drops out and you plummet to the earth at 70 miles per hour. but the thing i like about roller coasters is when its all over and your legs are shaking and your heart is racing your 1st thought is lets do that again. thats how i feel most of the time about my relationship with Jesus. He has asked me to do some pretty scary things but when its all over i would do it all again. even the times that i don't want a repeat of what He has just walked me through i am always glad i went through it. i've always learned something about myself and about Him and isn't that what its all about. so i would encourage you if you feel your faith is lacking or you've checked out on this whole christian walk. find a friend and a good bible study and move yourself closer to Jesus. you don't have to wait for a class at church you can do this on your own or with a friend or two. i'm sure pastor or marme could recommend a good one or better yet pray and let Jesus show you just the right one for you.

slumber party alert

2008-07-07T18:01:00.003-05:00

tonight is the night that i get to barricade myself in my room. this is the one night of the year that i let squirt and her friends run amok. the annual birthday slumber party. the boys are gone and freddie has run off to her moms house. i have been stockpiling supplies in my bedroom so that i don't have to come out until the morning. well actually i will come out at midnight load everyone into the car and drive them to the all night grocery store for a scavenger hunt. then i get to go back into my room until morning. the only rules are to have fun and eat everything in sight. somebody may need to check on me in the morning.

nag, nag, nag

2008-06-21T08:55:00.006-05:00

it is better to live in a corner of a roof
than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
proverbs 21:9

this is the verse that caught my eye this morning as i was reading. i try not to be a contentious women but sometimes i just can't help it. you know those times when your husband tells you they are going to do this or that and then weeks go by and this or that is still not done and you quite innocently ask when are they gonna do this or that and they give you that look and then explain to you how busy they are with everything else. its those times that i try to not be a contentious woman but it sure is hard. its at those times that i wish my husband would go live in a corner of the roof. i'm sure this is not what the writer of proverbs had in mind. maybe he meant you better not come home if you've promised your wife you would do something and still have not done it. maybe he is speaking to all the men out there that if you don't do it she's gonna be mad and give you an earful. i'm sure my interpretation is not completely right but i would like to know what has made this women contentious. is she naturally contentious or has her husbands behaviour made her contentious. maybe Jesus will explain this to me when i get to heaven. until then i will pray for my contentious ways and for my husband who causes me to be this way. amen.

finally

2008-06-21T08:54:00.001-05:00

someone finally found the dash for cash money......thank you Jesus!!!!

i can now have my park back.

a man of honor

2008-06-15T19:33:00.004-05:00

just wanted to take the opportunity to express my feelings for my husband. he's an awesome man and i thank God everyday for bringing us together. how we got together is kinda funny. i had resigned myself to the fact that i would be single forever. i had decided God would be my husband and i was perfectly content with the arrangement. i wasn't willing to compromise and accept God's permissive will i only wanted God's perfect will and if that meant being single then i was happy. so i was single for 5 years and then God brought mark. no he's not a perfect man but then i'm not a perfect woman. we have had our bumps in the road but we both know that we want to be with each other forever, come what may. the last year has been an especially bumpy road with my sister's breakdown and us stepping up to take her children. my husband has set aside his desire of being self-employed so that we will have the assurance of a steady paycheck. he has supported me in my desire to get a college education and has taken up the slack with the kids and a not so tidy home. i've never been much of a housekeeper so its not saying much. needless to say he is a real man. a man that continually puts his family above himself and shows us everyday that we are important and loved.

the bigger part of me

2008-06-13T21:50:00.002-05:00

there is a small part of me that doesn't want to do this college thing.....but the bigger part of me pulls up her big girl parties and does it anyways.

there is a small part of me that wants to smack someone right across the face for being a greedy and manipulative person......but the bigger part of me just smiles and prays that God will give me the strength to love this person because God loves me when i'm pretty stinky.

there is a small part of me that just wants to curl up into a little ball and cry myself into oblivion....but the bigger part of me keeps putting one foot in front of the other day after day.

there is a small part of me that wonders why.....but the bigger part of me knows its all for His glory.

giving in to the madness

2008-06-06T18:27:00.002-05:00

it all started very innocently. i was taking a walk monday evening through my local park when i realized there sure are alot of people in the park tonight and they all are talking on their cell phones and looking at the ground as they talk and walk. some of these people had paper in their hands. then it hit me the dash for cash. we have a local radio station that gives away money. the only catch is you have to listen to the clues and try to figure out where it is hidden. i thought how cool would it be if i just innocently during the course of my walk found the money. i'm not by nature a greedy person but who can resist the thought of free money just there for the taking. and we're not talking about a small amount of money. the prize is up to $4000. everyweek that someone doesn't find the money they add another $1000 to the pot. so all week long i've been watching people hunt for this money. everytime i drive or walk by at all hours of the night and day there are people combing this park for the money. everyone is convinced the money is hidden somewhere in the park by my house. so today at work all of our systems crash. so what do we do? we sit and talk about how no one has found this money and the lady that sits across from me has a print out of all 47 clues. so we spend the next 2 1/2 hours decipering clues and getting frustrated that we are getting paid good money to sit there and talk and they should just let us leave and go to the park and find the money. so my friend monique and i decide we might as well take some personal time and go try our luck at the park. so off we go to hunt for hidden treasure. needless to say after about 2 hours we decided we had wasted enough of our day hunting and called it quits. as i type there are a swarm of people at the park still looking. i'm really surprised no one has found it. i'm thinking it would be really funny if they have misinterpreted the clues and are looking in the wrong park. we did look in 2 other parks in the same general area that actually fit the clues better but alas we found no money. maybe tonight as i take my evening walk my eye will look in just the right spot and spy the prize or maybe i will get some good exercise out in the fresh air and pray that all the treasure hunters find the real prize.

where did this background come from

2008-06-01T16:42:00.004-05:00

its pretty strange to go on your blog and not recognize the background. its only been a week since i've posted so its not like my myspace page where quite often my song gets deleted by the author.

quite recently i have discovered sparkpeople and i am addicted. thanks dewey hafta. its like the very best of myspace, weight watchers, and blogger all rolled into one website. so if you're trying to lose weight and need a support group check it out. i've done ww for the last 3 months and have lost 14 pounds but i just wasn't getting anything out of the classes here or on their website to justify paying every month. i am a cheapskate at heart. and the very best thing about spark is its free and the people are so very encouraging. i was signed on the first time and already had positive comments on my sparkpage. so very cool and just what i was looking for.

i should be doing homework right now but i don't want to. i spent most of my day yesterday reading 3 chapters of biology and answering multiple choice questions. so today i just don't want to write 3 essays and do a media lab on "you are what you eat" and write 2 more essays on my findings.

moe will be leaving this friday to spend most of the summer with my brother, his uncle kent. he is going to learn how to be a produce man. my brother has about 10 acres in the ft worth area where he grows all these wonderful organic vegetables and then sells it on a street corner. sounds fun huh. so moe will learn the last art of picking veggies. i think this will be wonderful manly bonding time for the 2 of them. i think they are also gonna get in some fishing and napping too.

and last but not least.....i learned almost 15 years ago as a new mother that a wet paper towel cures a multitude of illnesses. my almost 15 year old daughter is laying on the couch with a wet paper towel on her leg. apparently she has an ant bite. go figure.

scriptures

2008-05-25T16:46:00.002-05:00

as part of my list i am making an effort to read thru the whole bible. i've read alot of the bible but i'm not sure if i've read the WHOLE thing. since our womens bible study has been in the book of psalms i thought i would start there. on may 1st i started reading psalms. i divided the chapters into 30 days of reading. this works out to about 5 chapters a day. so on may 30th i will have read the entire book of psalms. i must admit i have read the book of psalms before but it never hurts to read them again. i find it fascinating how many psalms we have made into songs. and i'm not just talking about hymns but songs i listen to just about everyday on the radio or on my ipod. the word of God is truly timeless and speaks to us no matter where we are or where we have been. below are just a few verses that have really ministered to me this week. also the song "not to us" that we sang this morning in church is from ps 115.

ps 102
even they will perish, but You endure;
and all of them will wear out like a garment;
like clothing You will change them and they will be changed.
but You are the same,
and Your years will not come to an end.
the children of Your servants will continue,
and their desendants will be established before You.

ps 143:6
i stretch out my hands to You;
my soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah.

ps 144:15b
how blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!

ps 145:15-16
the eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food in due time.
You open Your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

ps 84:12
o Lord of hosts;
how blessed is the man who trusts in You!

ps 55:6
i said "oh, that i had wings like a dove!
i would fly away and be at rest.

ps 115:1
not to us, o Lord, not to us,
but to Your name give glory
because of Your lovingkindness, because of Your truth.

the big 4 - oh

2008-05-24T07:59:00.002-05:00

as some of you know i turned the big 40 on thursday. i had alot of people ask me if it bothered me turning 40 and to be honest i would have to say no. i thought it would bother me more than it did but it really didn't. if anything it has made me more introspective. it has made me stop and think about who i am and who do i want to be. i have realized that turning 40 is not the end of the world and in alot of ways its just the beginning. i have just enough time under my belt to realize that alot of things i thought mattered really don't and now that i realize they don't really matter i can stop it and do what really does matter.

God has been putting some very interesting reading in my path lately. some it is His word (go figure) and some of it is thru magazines and books. the magazine article that really got me to thinking was about a mother of teenagers (go figure, again) that felt she had become a thing to her children, a means to an end, a maid/taxi driver/atm/cook/whatever they needed her to be but not who she really was, their mother. she also realized she was getting a bad attitude and didn't want her children to remember her as this bitter, resentful mom, but as the mom that gladly did for her children because she loved them. i don't want to be this bitter resentful mom that at times i feel i am becoming. i know there is a fine line between being a giver and being taken for granted. every person should have healthy boundaries in place so that they aren't everyone's doormat and i don't believe we have been called to cater to our childrens every beck and call. we must teach them personal responsibility, but we must also show them unconditional love and that if anything we are always on their side even if that means being tough.

so God has been working on me. He has really got me examining who i perceive myself to be and how that matches up to His reality of who i am. He keeps telling me that its ok to be me, i don't have to be everyone else. i can have my own opinion and not apoligize for it. its ok to like or not like what everyone else likes. the people who love me love me for me not for what i can do for them or be for them. this has been a big struggle for me. i feel this need to conform to those around me. pastor said something several months ago that really got me to thinking. he said that everyone is moving at a different pace and its ok to move at your own pace. for the last year God has definately moved me at a different pace and gotten me out of my comfort zone. in alot of ways my kids have taught me things i didn't know i needed to learn. they have challenged me in areas that i wouldn't challenge myself. they have caused me to examine who i am and who i am becoming. they have made me a better person in spite of myself. they have kept me on my face before God and have caved in my heart with their trials and growing pains. they have made me who i am today and for that i am truly thankful.

we're learning

2008-05-20T18:07:00.004-05:00

moe is learning to never say i'm bored while in my presence. he got the awesome privledge of washing dishes and folding laundry for that little comment.

freddie is learning she kinda likes it here. i have caught her several times refering to this house as her home. not just the place she is staying until she moves again.

squirt is learning that it's hard being a teenage girl. we are still having girl troubles but this too shall pass.

mark is learning that girls like to giggle and squeal and make all kinds of noise and they usually do it louder when dad is chasing them.

i am learning that i love my life and who i am and who i am becoming.

home again home again jigity jog.....

2008-05-18T16:13:00.002-05:00

...we just got back from feeding the hogs.

another one of my dads sayings. you all must think my family is incredibly weird and you would be right. we are incredibly weird but we know how to have fun.

my wonderful husband took me to fredericksburg for my anniversary/birthday. it was wonderful. fredericksburg is one of our favorite weekends spots. we always stay at a different b & b. we have stayed at some wonderful ones that i would love to stay at again, but it seems that everytime i go online to make reservations a different one will catch my eye. so we have stayed at several b & b's. the one we stayed at this weekend was wonderful. it was the perfect couple get-a-away place. it was only 3 blocks off of main so we could walk everywhere most of the weekend.

we went to trade days which was a new experience. i can't believe i've been going there for 6 years and have never gone to trade days. i will certainly go back. my favorite part was as i was sitting on the floor sorting through a box of silverplate from germany and suddenly realizing that this was fun to me. i'm not a boutique kinda girl. i'm a dig through a big box of junk to find a treasure kinda girl. i blame my dad and step-mom. they used to drag us to all kinds of junk shops, uh sorry dad "antique shops" and we would spend hours finding treasures in piles of junk. i also credit my dad for my crazy sense of decorating style. if you can call it a style. he was famous for taking simple farm and primitive implements, cleaning them up, maybe slapping on a coat of paint, hanging them on the wall and calling them art. i thought it was wonderful. just the thought of playing around with different things and turning them into something else was just incredible to me.

so what did i find in that big-o box of junk? i found some beautiful german silverplate teaspoons, shrimp forks and big serving spoons.

woo-hoo happy birthday to me.

and were off....like a herd of wild turtles

2008-05-15T17:47:00.002-05:00

this is what my dad would always say everytime we went anywhere in the car. after he would say this all three little girls in the backseat would say in unison

"we're hungry, we're thirsty, we need to go to the bathroom"

then we would all laugh like crazy and get on the road.

My dad loved car trips. one summer we went all over texas, new mexico and arizona. of course we could never stay in a motel. we would either camp out or stay at a relative's house. it was a combination of visiting family and sightseeing every little tourist attraction you can imagine. i have seen the grand canyon, petrified forest, carlsbad caverns, painted desert, and a metour crater.

good times and good memories

thank you God for my thorns

2008-05-10T18:35:00.003-05:00

a friend sent this to me and i wanted to pass it along.....enjoy.

If we would only listen to what God is trying to tell us.

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.

Troubles had multiplied.

Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. " Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk.

"I . . . I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer,

"Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose ste ms were neatly snipped: there were no flowers.

"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched - was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.

Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with . . . uh . . . she left with no flowers!"

"That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery . That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop.

"Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.

"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement . . . twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"

"Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too . . . fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment.

"I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me."

The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

It read:

"My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns.

God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.
We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape. God did it with nails

thanks guys

2008-05-03T06:57:00.002-05:00

thanks for all your prayers. some years it just hits harder than others. to be honest, grief is a fickle friend. sometimes i'll see someone that reminds me of him and it will hit like a ton of bricks. other times i will go years without so much as a second thought. thankfully God has given me the comfort of knowing i will see him again one day. i was pretty weepy yesterday and that hasn't happened in a long time. with the stress of the last year i shouldn't be surprised. but talking about it helps. so many people don't know what to say when someones dies or even years later. but to not talk about him would be as if he never lived. i just appreciate the fact that i have good Godly friends who will let me be sad when i need to be sad, but will also be glad when i am glad.

remembering stephan

2008-05-02T06:08:00.002-05:00

19 years ago today i lost my first husband in a horrible accident. it's so funny how we say "lost". he wasn't really lost i knew exactly where he was, but he was lost to me. the day started out just like any other. who knew that by the end of the day i would be a widow. there are parts of that day i will never forget and parts of that day i can't remember. i do remember one minute being perfectly happy and the next minute my whole world crashing in around me. my mind just couldn't wrap around the fact of what was going on. i was lucky in the fact that he was coherent and couldn't stop talking to me. for what seemed like hours but in reality was only about 30 minutes i laid beside my husband as he bled to death from an accidental gun shot wound. all he wanted was for me to hold him. so i did. i laid down in the grass and held him one last time. he knew the ambulance wouldn't get there in time. its strange watching someone you love die. watching the color drain from their eyes. literally the blue drained from his eyes. but he talked and talked and talked. nothing profound just that wanting to know that i was there and listening one last time.

being Jesus

2008-04-27T16:36:00.003-05:00

we are trying to teach our children not just to tell people about Jesus but sometimes you must be Jesus. well today we got our chance to show them how to be Jesus. my husband coaches a hardball hockey team, they had a 1 day tournament in lubbock, one of the families broke down about halfway home last night. luckily they were in a caravan coming back and were able to just load them up and bring them in. so this morning my husband got up in the rain, hitched up the trailer and took the guy back to get his car. while he was doing this i was going to pick up 2 more hockey kids from their house. their mom had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital this morning. their dad is in honduras on tdy. they had no one else to turn to and i couldn't just leave the kids home alone so off i went to pick them up. we went to the hospital and checked on mom. she will be there a couple of days so me and her best friend worked out how we were gonna take care of the kids. guess what? i now have 2 more kids for the next couple of days. OK God when i thanked you yesterday for giving me a houseful of teenagers i didn't mean You could give me 2 more. just joking, but seriously pray for us.

swimming...prom dresses....blah blah blah

2008-04-26T16:52:00.003-05:00

feeling very blah today. colleen has a friend over so i can't do what i want to do. just lay around and watch movies and eat. maybe that's a good thing.

just realized that i forgot to blog about cliff (aka moe) making the middle school swim team. he came home one day from school asking if he could try out for the swim team. i felt sure he had heard the announcement wrong, who know they had a middle school swim team. so we show up at the tryouts a little late because we couldn't find the right gym at central, cliff jumps in the water swims one lap while they time him and he makes the team. the whole thing took about 5 seconds but he was walking on cloud nine. all he could talk about was swimming. i was in tears while he was swimming because i wanted him to make it so bad and to be honest he looked so huge compared to the other kids. a little back ground. cliff has always wanted to do sports but his mom has always moved them so much or missed the deadlines to sign him up. so this was the first time he wanted to do something, got the chance to tryout, and actually made it. we are so proud of him. now we get to add swim meets to our schedule. woo hoo!!!

the girls and i went prom dress shopping about 2 weeks ago. i had planned to spend the whole day with the girls shopping and laughing and trying on dresses and just having fun. well so much for my plans. mexa (aka freddie) was totally in the moment. trying on every dress i pulled off the rack. just totally enjoying the fact that shes a girl and wanting to feel and look like a princess. now colleen on the other hand was sullen and pouty and not in any mood for dress shopping. talk about a mood killer. i'm afraid she has entered the stage where i'm gonna have to work really hard to enjoy her. don't get me wrong i love her like crazy, but there are days i really don't like her very much. my friend monique has warned me this day was coming but i just didn't expect it so soon. luckily i decided we needed to go to koronas. the sales lady took one look at pouty colleen and determined in her heart she was gonna find her the perfect dress. she grabbed a dress off the rack and pushed her into a dressing room to change. colleen didn't stand a chance. when she came out the sales lady started pinning her and made her walk around the store in this dress that she hated. it didn't take colleen long to find more dresses to try on and within the hour found the perfect pink princess prom dress. she walked in pouty and walked out happy. thank you God for pushy sales ladies.

1 year ago today....

2008-04-25T18:18:00.004-05:00

....we were in dallas picking up the kids. i can't believe its been 1 year already. it seems like just yesterday our whole world was turned upside-down, in a good way of course. the last year has had its challenges and its joys. i was not always sure we where doing the right thing but when i look back we were doing what we had to do. My sister as much as she loves her kids will never be able to handle the day-to-day stress of raising children. even the simple things get her all tied up. She is now in a little 2 bedroom rent house and is getting the kids on the weekends. for now this works. we have learned to take things one day at a time and not get too set in our ways. every time i plan something it falls apart or gets rearranged. so i'm learning to go with the flow. God has been stretching me and growing me in ways i never imagined. i don't have enough page to write all the wonders of His ways. thank you God for not always giving me what i what but for giving me what i need. even if that means filling my house with teenagers.

colleen made a comment the other day that really got me to thinking. She was telling her cousin that she was my 4th pregnancy. it made me think that even though i have 3 children in heaven God has given me 3 extra children here on earth to love and raise. how cool is that?

the list

2008-04-19T13:39:00.007-05:00

here is my list. i was feeling very overwhelmed by trying to come up with 101 things and have them be significant. my time is valuable and i only wanted to put things i really wanted to do or needed to do on my list so i have opted for a shorter list. hey its my list and i can do what i want. my start date is today and my finish day is Sept 2, 2009.

41 things in 501 days

1. read the bible (0/66)

2. memorize 66 bible verses (0/66)

3. shave my legs every week (1/72)

4. read 15 books (0/15)

5. grow a garden

6. complete 12 college classes

7. call my mom every week (1/72)

8. write letters

9. sit quietly w/God for 30 mins everyday (1/501)

10. reach my goal weight

11. maintain my goal weight

12. take 1 class every week at the Y (0/72)

13. take a road trip w/no plan and no map

14. get a passport

15. learn some german

16. visit germany

17. learn how to juggle

18. visit the planatarium

19. take walking tour of the city

20. weekend at hummer house

21. pedicure (0/5)

22. all day shopping w/girls (0/10)

23. 1 day of total silence

24. finish battlefield of the mind bible study

25. date night (0/10)

26. make a quilt

27. learn to knit....again

28. learn to type w/out looking

29. visit a nursing home

30. buy bookcases

31. wash face and floss every night (1/501)

32. finish flowerbed

33. paint house trim

34. do assumption paperwork

35. put $20 in savings every week (0/72)

36. finish 1 cross-stitch project

37. scan in all family pics and save them to a disk

38. buy a fire safe

39. girls night (0/10)

40. revisit honeymoon spot

41. blog about each completed task (0/41)

lover of lists

2008-04-11T20:16:00.002-05:00

my friend jinny (hi! jinny) is doing this thing. she is making a list of 101 things she wants to accomplish in 1001 days. it has kinda got my attention. i love lists. i love checking things off of a list. sometimes the lists are just in my mind and sometimes i write them down. so this whole list thing sounds very interesting. if you're interested go here. i am contemplating, pondering, trying to wrap my mind around it. can i even think of 101 things to do in 1001 days? and if i can how will i fit one more thing into my already busy schedule? but on the other hand are there things i have always wanted to do and have just not taken the time to do them. would this list provide me the incentive i need to set some goals and then accomplish them. i think i will start my list and see where it goes from there.

thanks mrs h

2008-04-08T16:25:00.002-05:00

i am truly blessed knowing that my daughter has such an awesome teacher. not only are you a teacher who cares but you're a teacher who prays and those are the best kind.

woo hoo

2008-04-08T16:12:00.003-05:00

on sunday i submitted my first test for my business class. i was really sweating this test because i had to write (big gasp) essays. The test consisted of 10 multiple choice and 4 essays. i have not written an essay in about 22 years so i was really worried. and the essays counted as 60% of the grade so i was really worried. did i mention i was really worried. i have never considered myself a writer. i have always written, but i have always been shy about anyone reading what i have written. so i was really worried about those essays. well i checked today and are you ready for this.....i made a 98. woo hoo. i really don't know what i was so worried about.

5 creepy things

2008-04-03T19:51:00.002-05:00

i was driving to work the other day and saw a really cute house. the only thing uncute about it was the storm cellar in the side yard. the first word that popped into my mind was creepy. so this got me to thinking about other creepy things and i came up with a few things i find creepy.

1. storm cellars - lived in a house w/one and my brothers would scare us by threatening to throw us in. plus they always seem to be dark and cobwebby.

2. clowns - 'nuff said

3. spiders/snakes and other crawly bugs - i can squash them but it still creeps me out.

4. old women in hair rollers at the grocery store - i always see these women in rollers. do they ever take them out? or just keep them rolled. you don't see this very often anymore...thank you Jesus.

5. a storm cellar filled with spiders, snakes, crawly bugs, clowns and old women in hair rollers. now that would be creepy.

say my name

2008-04-03T17:54:00.005-05:00

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car):
Jennifer Ford

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fav ice cream flavor, fav type of shoe):
Chocolate Peanut Butter Barefoot

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):
Green Cat

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born):
Marie Mansfield

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the 1st 3 letters of your last name, 1st 2 of your first name): Watrh

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Blue Crush

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers):
Harry Sherman

8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your fav perfume/cologne/scent,fav candy):
Tuscany Kitkat

9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):
Childress Chicago

10. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower):
Spring Magnolia

11. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing rightnow):
Pink Lady Nightgown

12. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):
Cinnamon Harvest Pecan

worlds longest bullet points

2008-03-30T19:57:00.004-05:00

i have started my next class so my posts may get pretty spaced out. i'll try to post something every few days. someday i want my girls to know that college is important no matter how long it takes you to finish. and that you still have to balance fun and work.
my cleaning bug has turned into the full blown spring cleaning flu. its gotten so bad i'm actually working in the yard. i like the idea of having a well manicured lawn and pristine flower beds, but until now have not put any effort into it. well my plan this weekend was to paint the trim on my house but since the humidity level was so high i decided spur of the moment to tear out my front flowerbed and make it bigger. my husband was quite surprised when he got home and found me covered with dirt and a wheelbarrow full of bricks. so the plan is he is gonna start bringing me rocks home to use as a new border and me and my sisser will do the rest. i come from a family that can grow anything except me. i can keep stuff alive but i don't have alot of vision when it comes to planting. once its done i can keep it maintained. i actually like the maintaining part it is very relaxing to me. i can spend my evening hours enjoying my yard and piddling.
everybody check out my friend just jinny. shes a pretty awesome lady that i work with.
ok enough dawdling....i have homework to do. :(

get ready to cry

2008-03-29T11:18:00.001-05:00

sorry ladies get your tissues. i cried my eyes out when i saw this video. it so reminded me of the love of my Heavenly Father and even though i don't have an earthy father to help me run. God will carry me over that finish line and say well done.

Team Hoyt Motivational Video

2008-03-29T11:17:00.001-05:00

couldn't resist

2008-03-27T17:54:00.003-05:00

as i was leaving the grocery store today there were 2 guys admiring and actually touching my truck. i just couldn't resist the temptation. as i approached them i hit my panic button. you should have seen them jump. i laughed all the way home.

good times good times.

they'll think twice before touching someone else's vehicle.

functionally dysfunctional

2008-03-26T19:54:00.003-05:00

freddie's therapist stated today that we are functionally dysfunctional.

which is good...i think.

no actually it is very good.

she explained that we have taken a very dysfunctional situation and have made it functional. we have achieved what God intended a family to be. each member doing their part to contribute to the whole working order of the family. we aren't blaming each other for all the bad things that have happened, but are working together to make the best of a bad situation.

Thanks God we couldn't do this without You.

mean girls

2008-03-16T17:19:00.003-05:00

every year about this time we receive the registration papers for squirts school. most years its a no brainer. this year has been different. i don't understand why girls have to be so mean. to say that this year has been hard would be an understatement. because she goes to private school and her class is very small (9 girls and no boys) its very easy to be the target especially if you have a strong personality. squirt has always been an independant child with a mind of her own. but she is also a girl who wants to be loved, liked and fit in. she doesn't always fit in. i feel her pain so deeply i just want to go up there some days and give these girls a piece of my mind. but then i realize this won't do any good, she must learn from this and grow. its the growing part thats so painful. so here's our problem we can continue to send her to private school or enroll her in public school. she is 50/50. somedays public school sounds good and somedays private school is good. i need your prayers. i feel like any decision we make will screw her up for the rest of her life.

i feel so private

2008-03-16T17:09:00.002-05:00

i feel so private with my new private blog. i thought i would feel closed in knowing exactly who was reading and commenting on my blog, but on the contrary. it feels nice. i know everyone invited and that i can trust them and God with my heart and thoughts. it reminds me of a newborn baby that needs to be swaddled to feel secure and comfortable. it also reminds me of the play houses me and my sisters would make. we would drag as many kitchen chairs as we could into our room and then cover them with blankets. then we would climb inside and play house. i would feel so safe and cozy. sometimes my mom would let us sleep overnight in them. this was a special treat ranking right up there with staying up late watching a movie and 'accidentally' falling asleep on the couch and getting to sleep there all night. i'm not sure why that was so much fun, but my kids fight over sleeping on the couch. as i type squirt is taking a nap on the couch and i'm wondering why am i not taking a nap on the couch. maybe i should go shove her over and take a little snooze before church.

mommas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers

2008-03-15T14:22:00.004-05:00

moe is crushing on a girl and she is crushing back. do kids still say this phrase 'crushing'. well thats the term i'm gonna use. what makes matters worse is she is just a little too aggressive for my liking. she calls all the time and invites herself over. its just too much. plus the fact that they are only 12 years old. her father, myself and mark are all on the same page with the no dating policy. but her mother thinks it would be just fine for them to go to the movies alone.

NO!!!!!! this will never happen.

they can talk on the phone and occasionally see each other in a chaparoned environment. but absolutely no dating. they have this really cute way of hitting each other, so very junior high. but like i said this girl is very aggressive if she calls and moe isn't home, we will politely say he isn't home and he will call you back. well she never gives him the chance to call back. she will call back every 10 minutes. luckily this has only happened one or twice. i explained to moe that he better tell her nice not to call every 10 minutes or there will be no phone calls for him. but i'm afraid i'm gonna have to have a little talk with her. i don't think she realizes how disrespectful it is to call someones house non-stop, after you've been told not too. but if it continues she will know.

all of this has opened up some wonderful conversations in our home. we are very careful not to speak rudely of moe's friend but we have also had the opportunity to talk to him about respect. and the proper way to treat women and what it means to date. all of this and trying to help him keep in perspective that he is 12 years old and is not old enough or mature enough for a serious exclusive relationship.